12,708. RUDIMENTS, pt, 1,016

RUDIMENTS, pt, 1,016

(has it all over that)

I got to a certain point where

I wanted to break things up and

begin abstracting all that I did.

For me it was a new concept.

I may have always 'thought'

like that, but I'd never practiced

it in what I did. The thoughts I

had were always free-flowing

and not in sequence as far as

proper concerns of the niceties

and procedures of what one was

'supposed' to do. Like trespassing.

Trespassing was never a big concern

to me. I'd see someplace marked

off limits or no trespassing and

all that, and it wouldn't matter

to me. I'd forge onward and get

in there anyway. I've had my

goodly share of run-ins with

security people, fake-badgers,

and tin-horns standing around

being paid to watch and guard.

They've always been pretty

much pushovers. Especially

with a camera in hand, as I

often was, or when not too,

the most simple excuse about

just being interested or wanting

a picture usually only brought

a slight scolding and a 'leave

now.' I was always expecting,

a la Monopoly, the next words

to be 'Do Not Pass Go, Do Not

Collect $200.' I always figured

anyone who took pride in being

a security standee was a fairly

hopeless being. Right down

there with those people they have

in museums, standing around

for full shifts, watching....well,

watching nothing. It's even

funnier when you see how they

get dressed up, with their little

logo jackets and brim hats too.

Back then, great swaths of old

NYC were coming down, lock,

stock, and barrel. Entire sections

and neighborhoods, and commercial

areas too. The place was a visual

goldmine for ruins and debris.

Collecting stuff was a cinch, all

sorts of the cast-off and wasted

that no one ever cared about.

People are most oblivious to the

good stuff around them when

it's splattered all around right

in front of them. They have to

wait, weirdly enough, or maybe

stupidly enough, until much

later when someone else, some

'authority' or history-booster

bunch, gathers it for display

and exhibit and has placards

and some geek-pert telling

them what it is/was. When they

had it present do they were too 

dumb to know. There's kind of a

conditional atmosphere to an

old shovel, or grandma's old

spinning wheel, or the pots and

pans from some old tenement,

or old pens and pencils left

in a desk, or old windows,

casing, sashes and sills.

No one cared. It has to

be a show for them. Things
of that nature always need 
context, and context can't be 
made  up; though those
folks surely always try.
For myself, getting to slink
around old New York while it
was getting torn down was
a chance of a lifetime.
Talk about context!

-

One thing that always bothered, 

as I walked these places was poor

use of words, as I saw. When

any of this was 'built up, it

was 'raised.' Now that it was

coming down, entire blocks

were being 'razed.' Whoever

started that, or however it got

started, those two words were

way too close for my taste.

First off, they sounded the same.

Both made hunches towards

the same thing, but in entirely

different directions. It sure

never made sense to me. I

never liked that word, 'razed.'

It's even worse when you're 

speaking it, rather than reading

it. You can come off sounding

like a real fool: "Um, well, yes,

all these building that you see

here are being razed for the

new plaza..." Huh? They're

already here, aren't they raised

already?...

-

When I mention 'abstract' ways,

I mean that  -  not crazy, not

random, but just deliberately

built in such a way that the

end-concept is something you

cannot quite get, focus upon,

or see as tangible. Just a step

or two off from the usual; the

ordinary; but with real meaning

too. I figured if that was how I

saw my world, then that's the

manner in which I ought to

portray it. No sense beating

around the bush. (My mother

used to say that a lot). The

things that my living conception

of the universe never needed

were logic sequence, ordered

composure rational movement,

fixed valuations, in-place

meanings, etc. And, I'll be

damned too, that's just about

where the whole world's been

brought to now with all this 

sweeping madness of ills and

viruses. Everything's been

ass-ended, no help from me.

Much of my own life has

been spent in places abstract

to me. Good God do I mean

that. My first exposures to 

things were totally abstract.

I was making up a life on

the fly. The only two people

left in this world  -  and this

is weird  -  who can vouch for

the reality of what I'm talking

about are my sister Andrea,

who about that time was 

perhaps 10. And Kathy, who

became my wife. (I used to

introduce her as 'My future

ex-wife Kathy'; but that never

happened.) It's OK, you can

laugh. My very young sister

used to come in, with my father,

on those trips when he'd be

looking for me. She still 

makes occasional mention 

of her memories of what she 

saw and what she witnessed

on those trips. God too only

knows what I must have looked

like to a ten-year old sister

back then.

-

You see, that is what's so weird

about all this, and about life in

general. In order to quantify and

line out things, you basically

need a possession of rationality

and sequence. Totally not abstract.

I'd never have that because it

would reflect nothing to me.

And pretty much that's why I

failed. Business and finance

demand all that stuff that I

never had nor ever had an

interest in. I'd rather pay $400

bucks for an old lost  bottle of

sand from some St. Marquand

pirate wreck then I would in

some cockamamie scheme to 

make 4% of a rolling sale of 

some 10,000 face masks from 

China. China, no less. The

same bastards who were eating

soup from bats' stomachs to

start all this. Now THAT's

abstract! It used to be enough

to say Chinese restaurants

served cat meat. This new

one has it all over that.