Monday, November 30, 2020

13,248. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,094

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,094
(this machine that rides the horse, pt. 1)
By 1976, I figure, I was so
knee-deep into information,
reading, and learning, that I
was probably an insufferable 
bore. Two corners away from
mine was Elmira College,
which placement allowed 
me a constant and unfettered 
short-cut in. Back then it was 
a road for cars too  -  now, no
longer. The odd Woman's Health
Clinic building, back from when
it was a girl's seminary, and, later
until 1969, a female-only,
segregated, college. Males were
allowed in then, and the health
facility had to be enlarged. 
Wondering why that was, all I
could ever conclude was that
sex, birth control dispensing,
and abortions had each taken
their toll, and come calling. As
at Princeton, where the same
thing had happened, in reverse;
and where the Female Health
Clinic dispensed just about
everything needed for an orgy.
Anyway, back to Elmira  - that 
street has now been redesigned
closed off, and, instead, the
students mingle and a new
building or two are in place,
as well as a new lawn. There
was, back then, a rough curve in
the road right there too, one from
which my 4-year old kid went flying
out of the car when the rear door 
opened as the curve was being
negotiated, by me, in my green
VW Squareback. He rolled and 
tumbled, but no harm came. It
became an epic tale, later, of
speed and hi-jinks.
-
I guess that was all a roundabout
way of me getting to this: Thomas
Carlyle. You'd never think that my
interests, perhaps, or thought would
run towards a person the likes of
Carlyle. He's one of those figures of
his own time that you hear about,
dig into a bit, and back off  -  all those
ideas and premises of Locke, Carlyle,
and the rest, seem so onerous and
dour now; today's world being so 
different that even the 'light' shed 
upon such previous characters and
societal critics is a light of another
nature, no longer ours. Everything's
turned out as it's turned out, and no
thanks to, nor effectiveness of, them
has made any real difference. Profit
and politics have won out.
-
1972 brought me Thorstein Veblein;
Oswald Spengler; Henry Adams. All
of a part, which in turn brought me to
Karl Marx and the writings of Thomas
Jefferson, Tench Coxe (Alexander
Hamilton's assistant, of sorts, and a 
man possessed by far more insight 
and talent than the poor clod he 
'assisted'), and Alexander Hamilton. 
Hamilton has now been re-configured 
culturally into some sort of a current,
cheaper-pabulum-baby for the lefty and 
Broadway crowd of fey hipsters; 
completely blinding the world to what 
he was really about. More on that in a
bit....The man is a caricature of
something bad and bland.
-
You have to remember that all history
is at base a lie, a fabrication of the way
things were; written by the prevailing
culprits who won out, all it does, as read
and taught, is bolster the commanding 
ethos of those rulers and their 'Society'
in place. (To my mind, there is too much
a fabric of lies everywhere, and there
are very few active 'Americans' who 
would even care to refute the fabrics
of their lives' make-ups).
-
The rest of the country was going
ass-over-deep into their silly and fatuous
Bicentennial stuff, bespeaking the same
lies and distortions as always; people
mobbed every patriotic scene and/or
well-devised event, all for the further
propagation of the mythology of the
'founded America' of pastoral goodness,
individual rights and freedoms, the 
yeomanry of the everyday, husbandry,
ecology, space and happiness. As if
washing machines, dead cars, destroyed
woods and forests, and the pathetic 
Passaic River of shopping cars, tires, 
pollution and plastic had never existed.
It was sure too much for me.
-
But it was all Alexander Hamilton would
have ever wished for. He was the original
anti-American. In fact, for all those statue
tear-downers, there's a large bust of him,
overlooking Paterson Falls, with a large
Freedom bell next to him, that ought be
torn down immediately, while you're all
in the mood for that crap. His famed 'City
of Industry,' as he'd planned and mapped
out Paterson to be, using the water works
and the falls as the means of powering and
destroying all he could for the furtherance
of Manufacture, commerce, trade and
despoliation, represented nothing so 
much as the antithesis to Jefferson's, 
Carlyle's, Schiller's, and others' 
pastoral view of an abiding American
Eden; a pure Ruritania. Jefferson's
original stance was to let NO manufactures
take place here, to ruin what was. Instead
let Europe slave and toil in its noxious
fume and make those things needed, as
America bought and imported for them
and, in turn, supplied Europe the agri-goods
and agri-culture it lacked, amidst its teeming
filth of walled cities, cramped strictures, and
rampant poverty and distressed conditions.
-
Alas, not to be. Hamilton's opposite viewpoint,
in fact, was so disgustingly abnormal to the
American scene that he should, by then, have
been hung : He sought the labor-saving of
machinery, in place, in America's factories,
to keep 'round-the-clock shifts of child-workers
strapped to machinery. He, and Coxe, thought
nothing of it. Here are Jefferson's words in
opposition: "I have been thinking about the
workers of the great cities of the old countries,
with whom the want of food and clothing
has begotten a depravity of morals, a 
dependence and a corruption." He had
no wish to see that repeated in America.
(Ralph Waldo Emerson, later on, seeing
this fruit gone sour within America's newer
soul of established drudge and machinery, 
put it thusly : "Things are in the saddle,
and ride mankind. There are two laws
discrete, not reconciled; Law for man, and
law for thing. The last builds town and
fleet, but it runs wild and doth the man
unking"). Veritably, Jefferson  -  and our
nation  -  has lost its battle with profit,
goals, planning, machinery, and goods.
An overabundance of sloth and ennui
ensues. We live it.







Sunday, November 29, 2020

13,247. GETTING BACK ON TIME

GETTING BACK ON TIME
The news-guy says the infrastructure's
breaking down - what the hell would
he know about that, I want to say back.
Four-eyed flaneur with male perfume
and a three-minute attention span that's
gone too soon, even then. He rambles
on with a stupid smile, as if to say the
caves on fire but the flames are mild.
-
He gets me as angry as this automatic
spelling thing  -   words I never sought
come spewing out and act distraught.
'You've altered me sentence again,
you bastard hen!'
-
Mustard seed and a gargoyle fence,
with little faces at every corner. Who
would know the meaning now? All
those faces are dead, and the gate
doesn't work. It stopped hingeing
years ago, and now the sumac tree
has grown onto the latch. So much
for any of that.

13,246. BY THE TIME I GET TO SEE THE KNICKS, SHE'LL BE FADING

BY THE TIME I GET TO SEE THE KNICKS, SHE'LL BE FADING
I have found that scoundrels run in packs:
Lillian Hellman and her mayonnaise. 
Jimmy Carter and his little liver pills.
Bill Clinton and his dangerous pricks.
There's nothing more or less, about this,
that isn't declamatory, just obtrusive?
Offensive? Off the beaten path?
-
Lending your ears, countrymen, only
ends up making you deaf. Like
sleepless in Seattle, sightless in
Gaza....you know the rest.

Saturday, November 28, 2020

13,245. THERE IS SUCH A DIFFERENCE

THERE IS SUCH A DIFFERENCE
Kilimanjaro, or Alcatraz. Can you
not see what I mean? The houses
in a row that nearly touch, but with
a paltry driveway in between, and
the '40 acres and a mule' sights I
now live amidst. The guy who pees
in the barnyard, and the girl who
deals in slits. I don't know, but there
never was a sameness to that at all.
Did Adam go to Eve, even before
the Fall?
-
Lets look this lens up: It says
here it 'captures the distant past,
for the observer's eye, if the lens
is completely focused and if the
viewer can hold it still. The more
distant the old sight sought, the
steadier the hold must be. See?
-
I quit. I tug at my shirt and walk 
along the quay. I'm dreaming of
something different  -  another,
more distant, land. Lord, lord,
am I never to be satisfied?

Friday, November 27, 2020

13,244. KEPT TO MY INCLINATIONS

KEPT TO MY INCLINATIONS
When I first heard the hymn
I put my head down, then I 
realized it was just the song
of a clown : distaff marauders
in robes were approaching:
Twelve ladies, like disciples
of night. I mentioned that I
wanted nothing but to be kept
to my own inclinations  -  books
about Trafalgar would just have
to wait. I knew a guy once who
claimed to be related to Admiral
Nelson  -  then I noticed all the
ladies began bowing down.
-
I also went through school with
a kid named Nelson Admiral,
and I never got the difference
between the two, though his 
name may have actually been
Admirale. I forget.
-
Then I said to them, 'If I tell
all of your secrets, which one 
you will be the betrayer?'
They cried, and asked why
I thought that was pre-ordained.
If that was a valid question, or
not, I let it go. My inclinations
told me so. 

13,243. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,093

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,093
(my renewable Eden)
Up in the high farms of Columbia
Crossroads, there wasn't too much
middle ground. Things were rural,
plain and simple. It being the
early and mid 1970's there had not
yet been established that rather junky
American connection between the
local highway, or nearest, and the
elaborate string of stores, plazas,
and national-names of stores that
we see now everywhere. If you're
out in the country now, you can
be certain not to worry, because,
usually, with 15 miles somewhere,
there's one of those big-box moron
stores surely lurking  -  and when
there's one there's three. Etc. The
range of goods offered runs from
foodstuff to hammers to lounge
chairs to lottery tickets and fishing
tackle too  -  so there's no worry
about doing without. 
-
That's America today  -  the place
that precedes any Trump or Biden
that gets heaved our way -  each an
interchangeable facepaint, as it were.
Anyone who claims rural living these
days is probably bluffing. A monkey
with a credit card could get by in
today's world. And many do.
-
There used to be a severe dividing line
in that once 'image'd' idea of the
American pastoral. Urban structure
on the one extreme, and raw, pastoral
retreat on the other. That's all gone
now; the main reason is/was the 
incessant thrust (to use a sexual 
relevant) of population growth, which
effort was never stopped and is still
constantly welcomed. (You can't
have it both ways  -  those seeking
ecological refreshment, natural
purity, and proper Earth husbandry
never take the next step of assessing
the situation, realizing population
control as ONE of the missing
elements, and undertaking then the
necessary steps. Fatal flaw, indeed.
See Paul Ehrlich, for instance, the
book being 'The Population Bomb.'
The essential quality of a new Eden
which was lost over 250 years of this
blasted nation's growth was, and still
is, destruction; except now it's skillfully
couched (by manipulators) into the
compulsive languages of adulation,. false
premises, and blatant misrepresentation.
Which is, once more, where that whole
faux-ecological divide gets set-up. You
can't drink fresh water if it is, essentially,
the leftover product of the larger crowd's
sewage and waste-water. As I patrolled
the streets of my NYC quadrangle, I
ran across, at most every corner, a history
of days and times past which had been
completely forgotten about, and covered
over. New York was always like that, 
with things disappearing as swiftly 
as the suds in a dishpan. A person 
had to catch quickly what was around, 
before it was usurped. I used to think 
of it as one of those carbon-wax-drawing-
pads that children back then had  -  an 
image  written with an etcher-stick, on 
a gloss overlay, to make a one-time 
drawing that disappeared as soon as 
the  top sheet was, again, peeled up  -  
allowing one to start over. Renewable 
Edens galore!
-
Would that it was, but, alas, it was
not. For every historic Edgar Allen Poe,
Walt Whitman, Eugene O'Neill, Jackson
Pollock and Hart Crane corner I ever
saw, there were twenty times as many
miserable confluences where the putrid
met : insufferable drug dens, gay mens'
clubs, soiled and fetid water, leak hydrants,
tenements, pigsties and innumerable lost
lives with NO possibility of a re-start
ever. Not much renewable in that world,
just rather the usual re-seeding of junk.
Stories and by-lines, amassed over
150 years and more, had built an
understory to all of NYC, yet it was,
quite simply, one that no longer
existed. it was all fiction, of a
retrospective sort anyway. If there
are ghosts  -  of the storybook sort  -
New York city would be overlapping
and knee deep with them from a 
past always available yet always
a fictional memory too. Each of
my steps walked and stumbled
along, tying to find the renewable 
Eden where the natural past overlapped 
with the present  -  though I did
realize it was all impossible. All I
got were rude wisps of smoke and
smog, harsh noises, and the hammering
voices of workmen all along their
tasks; streets thinning of life, yet
thickening with people. The lines
at movie palaces  -  gaudy facsimiles
of a spiritual life of the only sort
still extended to people by the
monsters in charge of them  -  
stretched half a block, as they
meshed with the even more
annoying crowds of Broadway
play attendees, all dripping and
gross with their effete, suburban,
stances. Renewing nothing, yet
bearing everything down by the
rank culture they brought with
them.
-
I finally had to set Nature aside
and stop thinking of it. What 
passed for Nature there was 
only another story and a tale 
of another supposedly
renewable Eden again: 
Central Park : The rocks and 
stones of renewed geological 
eras long past. It all seemed
like a trick to me.

Thursday, November 26, 2020

13,242. SEDLAK WAS POISONED

SEDLAK WAS POISONED 
And he went down to the ground
like a brick. Hitting his resourceful
moment just a minute too late. Not
much to do after the last bell tolls.
See. Ask not for whom. 
It tolls for thee.

13,241. CAVERNOUS OASIS

CAVERNOUS OASIS 
Shadows ran the eleven o'clock
wall like a spider web in the sky;
how one sees it only when it's hit
by light from the sun. This  -  being
sort of the opposite  -  made me
think of depth. In those childhood
tales of Ali Baba and the desert riddles,
there was never any depth to an oasis.
-
That always troubled me  -  how the idea
ran that once you got there it was gone,
the idea, like the image, receding. And
there was never anything, within that
'oasis' idea, like a cave or a cavern. It
was all surface stuff, nothing deep.
-
Perhaps 'dimension' and depth never
entered the minds of those early, sandy,
travelers. Where can you go when it's 
a hundred degrees at each moment and
nowhere to hide in the shade? Maybe
their raggedy minds never figured there
was a refuge for anything anywhere.

13,240. APTITUDE DEFINING

APTITUDE DEFINING
'Trending lines divulge themselves
of latent information.' If I'd ever
heard anyone speak like that before,
I couldn't remember but I remembered
murder. Simple matters constitute
such force. 
-
Right here were two stumps of large 
cherry trees the man had sold for wood
years before. I guessed everything had
some value in his monetary terms. Yet,
curiously now, no one had paid for these
stumps.
-
'The wood can be of value as a crop of
timber; you need to know what to look
for and how the tree has grown. Not
everything grows straight and true.' How
true was that, and holy cow!
-
I settled in my heads all the words I knew,
from urethane to urethra anyway: I 
couldn't find to much to bank on.


Wednesday, November 25, 2020

13,239. SHOULDER HGH

SHOULDER HIGH
Take this notion. The new world is idiotic.
Why we ever landed here is beyond me.
I live among the palms and spend my
time in swimming over coconut rafts.
-
I have nothing more than stories to tell;
my mansion is crumbled and the hillside
is gone. How far can a kite fly, lacking a tail?
-
Shoulder high to the clouds, the land
and the spirit recede: Look at this as the
sights recede along the farther shore. This
is the fair isle we were after? Months at sea,
floundering and distant? Bermuda alights?
-
Tropics like this, to Virginia and all the
New World. Before I leave, I m going away,
only to abbreviate the expectation.

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

13,238. AND OH, THE POOR COMMINGLED ROUSTABOUT

AND OH, THE POOR 
COMMINGLED ROUSTABOUT
Having heard all this, I declare
we treat everyone like garbage 
now. You, Jethro, can be as
recycled as the first sin, in the
recycle bin, and it still won't
change a material thing. This
world is falling, and failing, 
together  -  one through deep
space, and one in the heart of
every living person:
-
Who thinks they can ride side-saddle,
screw like Ron Jeremy, and talk as
fast as anyone can. The stories that
outrun their endings are never taught
in school.
-
Listen, if you will, to the furious
wind at night, as it rolls over in the
dark and tumbles down these hills :
A rip-roaring facetious county-fair, 
where the men drink beer at their 
festive tents, and the ladies dance
 together without their gents.
-
By hook or by crook : A Minuet,
a barn-dance, or a polka.

13,237. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,092

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,092
(me?)
I never knew if I was disorder,
or order. Meaning more towards
one than the other? Actually, I've
always been, and felt, closer to
disorder; in fact, it was my whole
life. I've never made plans of
much any sort, and any I ever
tried to make went far awry.
I'd have rather jumped at
things, by any impulse I felt, 
and squared it all up later on
if any accounting arose that
had to be done  -  something
to explain my actions, or 
defend my moves. Mostly 
how people end up in trouble
or jail, and it never makes for
easy courtroom testimony or
alibis. 'Well, your honor, I
don't know, I just went ahead
did it.' Nature too is that sort
of maelstrom, always reeling
and raving about.
-
Pretty much par for the course,
the rest of the world around me
has unwittingly taken its own,
ignorant course, leaving no
regard of my opinion of it nor
it of me  - which is just fine. I
can guarantee you, ten dollars 
to a penny that  -  if asked  -  
people would answer 'The
constellation Astra-Zeneca?'
when asked where the solar
system had originated. That's
how dumb it all is. 
-
Sickeningly dumb? Banal and
gross? Ignorance greater than
Sunday professional sports?
Beer? Leasing automobiles?
Plastic siding houses, after
years of aluminum siding the
same? Toxic applications to
lawns, so that the grass can 
grow rich and thick with
fertilizer so as to grow with
gusto and then be trimmed
and mowed nevertheless to 
wih a half-inch of the very
ground it was just encouraged
to grow out of? And then the
big-balled man of the house
sues the companies making
this stuff, claiming it all 
harmed him? No one says a
thing, they just smile and
throw another steak on the
'barbie' while staring lustily
at their 15 year old niece's
budding breasts at poolside,
they having misconstrued
barbie for Barbie. The doll.
-
How disenfranchised has true
desire become? I think it's
as widespread as dope: Mass
culture has always been a
wreck. Once I first landed
in NYC, my sudden exposures,
at the low-end of my personal
scale, involved just that. I
was suddenly scrounging
around for any sort of those
unique, 'pocket-change' jobs
with fluid hours and limited
responsibilities by which to
carry aloft my (very-leaden) 
balloon of self. They all led
me into the black holes of
'mass-culture' jobs, whether
it was cheapo food-service,
work at a recod store, 
any of those Rappaport family
stores that ran lower 2nd Ave;
or, as it turned out, the hamburger
grub and ice-cream store which
bordered on the north side of the
Fillmore East, just then starting
out. Moby Grape, actually, was
the first guys I saw; not their
show, just them. 8:05 was
their song, then. Just guys; it
was cool. I didn't know anything
about any Skip Spence stuff or
any of that  -  or even the Fillmore
itself, whatever it became. It was
a complete mass-cult of nothing
much to me. Clumps of stpned
people, chugging out of rock
shows to stumble next door nd
get some ice cream, or a hamburger
or any junk to satiate their probably
raging and irksome pot hunger.
It was a gas. (That's humor!).
-
This writer guy by the name of
Ortega y Gasset, he once wrote,
in reference to this 'mass cult' 
stuff, some kind of interesting 
words. Way back then, and they're
still good. ('Revolt Of the Masses'
1930): 'The world is a civilized
one, its inhabitant is not: he does
not see the civilization of the world
around him, but he uses it as if it
were a natural force. The new man
wants his motor-car, and enjoys it,
but he believes that it is the spontaneous
fruit of an Edenic tree. In the depths
of his soul he is unaware of the
artificial, almost incredible, character
of civilization, and does not extend
his enthusiasm for the instruments
to the principles which make them
possible.
-
So now I still cannot tell if the so
called 'civilized' one is that one 
which demands the order and the 
compulsiveness to put things right 
and straight, but never does (after
all, let's face it, the entireties of the 
twentieth and now the twenty-first
centuries to date have been dedicated 
to the proposition that the fist, gloved
or not, caked with war-paint or just
well-concealed, can be set right by
arms, force, control, power, and
coercion), or the 'other' one  -  mine  -
which rather proclaims the mad-dash
to non-uniformity and an anarchy
ramble-fest of the creative and the
wild impulse. Which brings forth
progress? Growth? Satisfaction?
Me?

Monday, November 23, 2020

13,236. NO CLAMOR

NO CLAMOR
I've grown accustomed to minding
my ways : or, like the Japanese kid
with no idea of Halloween, standing
idly by in doorways and costumes.
Why? How? Where am I now?
-
Little matter the fruits of the day:
We go to school standing, but sit
all day. Is that the way to learn?
-
It gets more and more narrow as I
pass along the edge; knowing I have
little time left. My face grows distorted,
but I'll not even fix my appearance for
this disappearance. How rude the
noise of the crowd.
-
No clamor like this again, thank you.
Though we all must die, I don't look
upon it as anything good.
-
The man walked over to me, saying:
'You certainly have ways of twisting
words, and the things you say are so
often difficult to grasp.' My reply,
after I thought about it for a bit? 
'Full fathom five thy father lies. 
of his bones are coral made. Those
are pearls that were his eyes'... and
nothing of him doth fade?
-
With my twist of ineptitude I left out
the last. We go to school standing, but
sit all day. Is that any way to learn of the
past? No clamor worth mugging, and
and no task worth the mission.

13,235. HUNTING SEASON

HUNTING SEASON
The deep, the deep. Mr. Cardiff have you
been there before? I mean to say this ship
is sinking while we stand here at the door.
But is it true we've nowhere else to go?
-
Sister, sister, listen to me; no more sitting
'neath the apple tree. This farmland is now
fodder for the urban mill. If they can build 
here  -  yes, they will!
-
Just outside the window pane, acres of
trees and forest. Rolling hills, snow and 
rain. Brave men with rifles, stalking?

Sunday, November 22, 2020

13,234. ROUGH AND TUMBLE

ROUGH AND TUMBLE
Like ready to wear, and when you
were a kid. Blood instead of lipstick
on your collar. Just another fight
as the neighborhood scholar.
Everyone used to laugh at you,
but now see what they've got.
Scotch and soda, running
down the spout.
-
No one knows how to handle
anything now; let alone this.
There's a motion awry, sent
afar, out-of-kilter  -  nothing
joyful at all within the lines of
Noel. Shall we go a'caroling?
-
I was once a manufactured idea.
I was once the guy at whom you
sneered. I come forth now  -  no
accolades  -  just seeking justice,
not parades.
-
I was the very fist astronaut; 
balloon man; zeppelin tot.
Before everything blew to
smithereens in this rough
and tumble world. All I
get now is solace.

13,233. HIDEBOUND AND BROKEN DOWN

HIDEBOUND AND
BROKEN DOWN
As simple as a figleaf upon Adam and
Eve, the one clue I had was a giveaway.
Yes. We had just come home from the
Slider Jones Show, the one at the old
Maple Tree. I was still thinking of what
to wear for tomorrow's Winter ride. 
-
Long-Short forecast of 14 degrees, and
we had to be to Belmar by five. Some
movie shoot for 75 bucks  -  a group
of Biker extras, and a free movie meal.
-
Dinner-break lasted three hours and we'd
gotten drunk as Hell. My friend John
had stormed the starlet's trailer and been
thrown out. He'd gotten inside, and she
really didn't mind; but the hairdresser
came back in and took a fit. By that
time too he'd stolen a 24-pack of D
Batteries and stashed them away. The
electrical trailer was right next door.
-
Late the next morning, he had two
saddlebags filled with purloined 
goods. We'd gotten paid as extras,
and found our way home. Hello
Garden State Parkway at 4am.

13,232. WHY AM I SO TIRED OF ANOMALIES?

WHY AM I SO TIRED 
OF ANOMALIES?
Here's the part I wanted you to see; watch.
When you peel back the paper, another
image appears. They're layered, so it goes
on forever. Well, not forever, I mean more
until the papers run out.
-
It becomes to difficult now for me to
keep track of things. I'd rather the anarchy
that takes place in a bundle : things all
thrown together and a Devil-may-care.
-
I saw some guy the other day ride by:
some gleaming concoction of motorcycle
and girlfriend together. She was on the back.
I wondered where they were going? Just
another country bar, to waste some time?
-
Around here, the whole world is gleaming;
even the running gear and the neglected
sheen of everything seen : barns and sheds,
old cars and horses in a field. What matters
now is that nothing really matters at all.
Everything is an exception, and the
regular world is a bore.

Saturday, November 21, 2020

13,231. ONYX AND SCHOOLING

ONYX AND SCHOOLING
All things being equal, the sky is
black at night and the educated
man says nothing. A few thousand 
stars make little difference either
way. Now I have you; now I don't.
-
Like the coating on wax paper :
distorting the clarity of what gets
wrapped up. Who cares so little
for distorted mirror images? Me?
-
Me? Who threw my bicycle into 
the sea and went home carrying a
pail of mussels? Who stopped in
West Long Branch to eat at the
saloon and drink at the diner?
-
Not so soon kemosabe; your
chemical condition is inebriating
the doors and windows. The sky is
black at night, and the educated
man says nothing.

Friday, November 20, 2020

13,230. TOUGH LITTLE SUGAR CAT

TOUGH LITTLE SUGAR CAT
Out from the harbinger they say here
that everything now means something.
I don't think so; it's all meaningless.
A scattershot recital by brats; a litany
of abusive excuses.
-
My screwdriver tray fell off of the
cabinet; everything went everywhere.
'Like ideas,' I said to Fred, 'like ideas.'
He wanted me to tell him about the
last time in Woodstock.
-
Candy paper wrappers. Cellophane phone
books, and that weird girl named Tendra
selling pictures from her table. 'A tough
little sugar cat,' I said, as she came
over and smiled anew. 
-
She'd grown up in Timothy Shoals, which
was a town somewhere near Biloxi; she
claimed. I wouldn't know, and I said so.
'Geography was never my strong suit,
but I always know where I am.' 

 


13,239. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1091

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1091
(some guy named ken healy)
'I and the public know what 
all schoolchildren learn. Those
to whom evil is done do evil
in return.' That was W. H.
Auden, who used to live, in 
my days there, down at the
bottom of St. Marks Place,
at the sight of two concrete
lions at the entryway. Those
lions looked miserable, were
withering; sizzling away, from
the acidics in the air, as well
as the hacking pollution of
morons who'd smash away
at at them every so often,
with a hammer or a mallet. 
Sad scene, how all that anger
comes out. Auden used to have
the most lined face I'd ever
seen  -  not even knowing his
true age, he looked, to me, 110
already then. The last I saw,
a few years back anyway, the
remnants of two 'lions' were
still there. Two 'somethings'
anyway. The rest is all forgotten,
and will remain that way. You
need grandeur? Go see the large
lions at the 42nd street public
library. If they even let people
in anymore.
-
I never knew much about
anything, even though I studied
and delved. Foreign places stayed
foreign; other tongues and habits,
cultural ways and means, stayed
a'distant to me. I managed Spanish,
and a little French (hated that). The
too-fast rapido of most NY Hispanics
left me in the dust, so I kept it to just
being able to read. Latin was my
basis of the rest. On the other hand,
German was far and away the most
tendentious and perplexing of the
languages I dealt with. The sense
of connectedwordcoldness, as they
would put it, killed me. You 'take'
a concept and then string words
about that concept's relevance
together, all in a nasty row, to get
another word ABOUT that combined
concept, in a word. How weird is
that?
-
Voracious probably was my best
watchword. By 1962 I was already
lost in the words and jiggles of that
day, and I was but 12. I was away
too, remember  -  seminary crap just
kept me bottled up. I was ready to
explode  by December. Neo this
and neo that; 'new-journalism,' 
people writing, all of a sudden, in
a fictional mode but with non-fiction
elements. Introducing 'Self' as a
character; one guiding the reader
through the created world such a
narrator had put together. It was
cheating, a set-up. Fiction, and
non-fiction, both, were completely
transformed and anything read had
to be accused, first, of slant. Of
steering the reader. Like slumlords
of buildings, these persons became
slumlords of words. The words they
wrote. Here: The 'author' makes
something up, and then brings his
or her self into it, as a character, 
witnessing, guiding  -  and even 
sometimes explaining  -  what has 
been introduced or been going on. 
Not quite 'Deus ex machina,' but
somewhat close to 'Doofus ex...'
-
I watched words and ideas get
deconstructed  -  ground down to
nothing-at-alls, mere suggestions
of an idea thrown in. One had, then
better carefully read the proverbial 
small print, a la any of them : 'All 
information is seen as useful.
Inaccurate information is in itself
accurate information about the
informant [telling the information]. 
The accidental did not figure. Many
people are intolerant of the accidental. 
This was something more  -  as all
behavior was seen as purposeful.'
-
Perhaps that was so. Within a few years,
entering the 1970's I realized that the
more intense focus to events which I'd
gone through living there had a different
backlight that the usual, crummy and
workaday world  -  where most things
meant nothing and all of life seemed
dedicated  -  unless one was Dorothy
Day or something  -  to the pursuit
of the glib : ease, pleasure, satisfaction
and the rest of that. Hedonism of an
American sort? (I used to think of
the Marx Brothers and their 'Hail
Fredonia' schtick, merely renaming
it 'Hail, Hedonia!'). Hey, private jokes
kept me afloat.
-
I've studied deep and hard, lots of
language, writing, composition, reading,
and commentary stuff; all it's ever got
me was appreciation, on my part, for
what others have done. I remember the
cold, Winter days of half-twilight, in
the basement of NYC, Studio School,
just devouring books  -  watching
people's feet pass by in the small, 
elevated window above me. It was
as quaint as it was odd  -  an entire
history of Humanity, passing daily
by me, in dark Winter coats, freezing
and bundled, all these people in their
normal, workaday NYC world, and
mostly silent too. Flurries of snow
tossing about, and then, every so often,
a real snowfall  -  a white city, with
changed noises, all the wet and moist
drag of tires and wheels. The entire
landscape, whatever it may have been
changed; altered drastically. Piles
of snow atop the iron fenceposts at
the Church of the Transfiguration, and
the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian. Local
reference-points, each. I would walk
that lower Fifth Ave section often,
starting at One Fifth, a storied place
I'd read of so many other times.
I was bundled too, but my mind was
as naked and free as at some Gaugin
embroidered Tahitian beach. No fetters
attached, and gun for hire.
-
A person can read and read (and, yes,
I had a friend through the Studio School
and the San Francisco Art Institute  -  in
fact, I was sleeping with his sister!  - who
wanted to burn all books, never read again, 
claiming it was deadening, malicious, and
detracted from experiencing real life! Try
that one, Hitler!) and still go nowhere. 
-
There are levels of reading. You can
simply 'read' any old informational
packet of trash, and take little away.
At the same time, it was possible to read, 
say, 1975 American dispatches from the
miserable, failed USA rushed-exit from
its destitute Vietnam crusade, and have
learned, hidden deep with the copy of
the dispatches, valuable information:
'I would skim the stories on policy
and fix instead on details  -  the cost 
of a visa to leave Cambodia in the weeks
before Phnom Penh closed was five
hundred dollars American. The colors 
of the landing lights for the helicopters
on the roof of the American embassy
in Saigon were red, white, and blue. The
code names for the American evacuation
of Cambodia and Vietnam respectively
were EAGLE PULL and FREQUENCT 
WIND. The amount of cash burned in
the courtyard of the DAO in Saigon
before the last helicopter left was
three-and-a-half million dollars American
and eighty-five million piastres. The
code name for this operation was 
MONEY BURN. The number of
Vietnamese soldiers who managed to
get aboard the last American 727 to
leave Da Nang was three hundred
and thirty. The number of Vietnamese
soldiers to drop from the wheel wells
of the 727 was one. The 727 was 
operated by World Airways. The name
of the pilot was Ken Healy.'