Thursday, December 31, 2020

13,316. SO MANY PIGEONS

SO MANY PIGEONS
I've left now many things behind,
things I thought I'd once be remembered
for, but not, as it's turned out, forgotten
instead. My name is but etched on
gravestone memories of a cotton-moss.
Green, but not with envy, for sure.
-
The ground here gets covered, and I
dream of many things : doorways
and city entrances, in places
I've never been. Faces I once may
have seen, but never remembered,
yet here they turn up again. Like
a living highway headed down to 
the south, I am passing old geezers
in luxurious cars.
-
'Shhh, now; it's only a dream. They
are running down south for their
Winters. We call them Snowbirds.
You call them Pigeons, I guess :
the same scavengers who pick in
the alleys, alighting on poles and
cooing for food.'

13,315. CADETS

 CADETS ON PARADE
I guess it's not enough to be
just happy; one should also 
have a mission? My sponsor
for West Point must have been 
blind. That was 1969.
-
Point those cannons somewhere
else. Please. Thank you. Fine.
Now that it's New Year's Day
will there be fireworks on down
the river-line? We've watched the
distant craft go sailing, past the
chains and round the cove.
-
I'm tired and I'm bored, and my
'father' is coming from Cleveland,
aboard some Zephyr train to see
me again. We'll probably travel
upstate some, to see the sights
along the hills. he enjoys that,
and always has a way of finding
nice restaurants, and getting me
back on time.

13,314. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,112

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,112
(a little bit of Avenel)
There was a time  -  maybe 
a month and a half, at most  - 
when I worked a cold Jan.
and some Feb., at a place 
called 'Golden Crust Bakery.'
I can't right recall when it
was exactly, and, as a job, it
sort of fell between some
other things I was doing. 
-
Golden Crust Bakery was down
on Rahway Avenue. There's the
'new' Post  Office now, built
right across the street from it, 
and I 'seem' to, I think, remember
that being there, new, back then.
(The bakery building is still there,
and still a 'bakery' of sorts, though
now it is run by Brooklyn Hasids,
and they make Jewish pastries,
with the wafting smell of chocolate
often in the air). The current name
is Pollak's Bakery, and they have
a few panel trucks with which
they run their products out, I guess
back to Jewish neighborhood
pastry shops. There is NO walk-in
or retail business done at the Rahway
Ave. location; if you see any activity,
what you see is Hasidics loading
the trucks. (I like to think that the
Hasids, if they were nice, country
fellas out in the sticks, would call
themselves Hayseeds, and make
cornpone and down-home muffins.
-
Anyway, way back when I was there,
it was about as dismal a job as could
be found. I was, however, a young
guy with a head full of ideas, an
old, beat-up Jaguar car, and a hope
to do nothing but Art for the rest
of my days. (That hope eventually
fizzled). I used to walk Avenel
Street, under the underpass each
day, down to Rahway Ave., and
turn left to get to the bakery. There
used to be a hardware store there,
a few houses (all now gone), and
a gasoline station, also now gone.
Two, in fact. One was at the corner,
closed up, of Avenel Street and
Rahway Ave; that was Rhodes'
Esso. Ira Rhodes was the old man
who was mostly responsible  -  I
was told  -  for the underpass
being dug out for the trains, kind
of ruining the entire town. He had
lost a son there, in the 1940's or 
something who'd gotten creamed
by a train, at grade level; so they
dug it out, and sunk the roadway,
destroying all the little business
that had once been there at town
center. You can see old town
photos of it as it was  -  candy stores,
grocers, barber shops, a deli, and
a haberdasher or two, plus a nifty
train station and waiting room,
in which was the town's library too.
All gone, as I said, Now a lumber
yard (for the time being anyway).
I've been told the lumber yard is
moving out too, as well as the schools
that are nearby, as  -  in the very
fraught (translates as 'crooked')
wisdom of the town fathers, (barf),
they can reap better returns (in
their pockets once again, probably)
by finagling the necessary deals for
hidden management corporations
and ownerships to reap the profits
of further development, subsidized 
housing, health centers, new slums,
and new parking lots too.
-
But, I digress. One thing I enjoyed
was the way in which, on those walks
to Rahway Avenue, if I walked on the
east side of Avenel Street (I think that
was east)  -  the same side as the
First Aid Squad Building  -  I'd get to
see the pointed top of all the duplexes
running down Avenel Street looking,
in their rows, like a small, Dutch
village. Like something out of 
Breughel or one of those continental
painters of the early, old world. Of
course neither Avenel nor the scene,
had any connection nor any reality
bearing on that, but to my artist-mind
it meant a lot to be able to make that
connection. Believe me, this was
fantasy  -  Avenel Street bears no
connection, by romance, art, or any
other 'feature,' with any of this more
broadly cultural stuff, and no one 
there anyway would ever have the  
connection. More likely, First 
National Bank of Bribery. 
McCormac Branch now.
-
Once I'd get to the bakery, all that 
was over. There were a couple guys
in there who ran the ovens, packed
the stuff, and drove the truck. A large,
square, panel truck, with bread shelves
and trays everywhere. We made sub
rolls, dinner rolls, small bread loaves, 
etc. I was the flour and prep guy  -  
lugging the 50-lb bags of flour, as
they were needed, over to the mixers,
pulling the drawstring closures to open
the bags, and dumping the flour into
the large, automated mixer vats. Adding
water, etc.; and the large mixing arm
would slowly, over time, mix it all
together to form a big, gummy, wad
of new dough. Then I'd have to take 
the big wad and make smaller wads, 
and we'd all begin breaking up the
dough, for sub rolls, dinner rolls,
or whatever. The small lumps, once
in the ovens, would rise and bake,
as they took their appointed shape.
I forget, but I seem to remember
brushing oil or butter on each
little lump, before they went in
the ovens, and  -  what I liked the
most  -  I'd have a cool, little dough
blade and had to make a quick slit
in the top of each dough lump. Once
it was baked, that slit would bake 
out, puff up a little, and allow for the
expansion of the loaf while baking.
For a dumb kid, like me, at this job,
baking bread, handling dough, and
even putting that slit in each loaf,
represented  - finally  -  something
really tangible for me, a job with
a meaning. Bread. 
-
That all began about 7:30am,
and by like 4pm the trucks would be
loaded for the next day's or that
night's deliveries, to restaurants,
sub shops, etc. There was no
wrapping or packaging, just either
on trays, or in these cool bakery
bags, for the long loaves. I don't 
know what it all was. Not like today.
No one ever 'spoke' as 'French' loaf,
or 'Italian', and certainly never
'Baquette,' like any of today's 
fancy-schmancy food-maven stuff.
This bakery had a little retail counter
out front too; people came in to
buy bread, or donuts and stuff too,
which we didn't bake but which I
think were brought in from 
somewhere else. We never dealt
with sweets or pastries.
-
It was an OK deal, but the lady there
behind the counter, known to me as
Mrs. Cummings (Marian), really
disliked me. She thought I was a
brash, snide, no-goodnik, and she
made that clear. I didn't much care,
as she was everything I disliked too.
Trouble was, in the back, her husband,
some big, rollicking, round guy, drove
the delivery truck. So he was always
around, helping us preparing the bread,
unloading the empty truck trays, and/or
refilling the truck. While the ovens
were baking, there'd be a lot of downtime.
I'd do clean-up, sweep or mop the area,
of all the flours and cut-offs, etc., and
I had to gather and trash-up all the
empty, daily, flour bags. I was young,
and these three other guys were maybe
40, or 45. They never bothered me,
but I could always tell a distance, and
it often felt I was being scrutinized. And,
the husband guy, whenever his wife
came into the back, went through his
sudden hard-ass routine with me, usually
over something or other that never made
a hill's worth of difference any other
time. I didn't care, and as far as I did
care they could have each other,
at my expense or not. Nitwits.
-
Two other things really drove me nuts.
There was constant cigarette smoking;
all the time they sat around, it was with
cigarettes and cigarette smoke everywhere.
And making it worse was that, everyday,
they listened, on the radio, to the broadcast
of the Arthur Godfrey Show. You might
not know him, but he played a sort of
folksy, talk-show, guy with special
guests each day  -  show-biz type people,
inside gossip and such, a few reviews
of plays and shows. The fake folksiness
was enough to drive me crazy (like the
'Hayseeds' I mentioned at the start), but
what really drove it home was that
Arthur Godfrey's signature schtick was
that he played a ukulele (rare at that
time, or little-heard anyway). At all
times, even while he talked, he'd be 
strumming or monkeying with the
ukulele, and he'd sometimes sing too.
It was terrible, day after day, and it
had the worst radio-commercials too,
stupid jingles and ads and all.
I finally just gave up the job. One 
cold morning the walk down Avenel
Street just hit me the wrong way; I
turned around, went back home,
called Marian up, and said I was
'done,' and had 'personal business'
to take care of. She went ballistic
on me. I never went back. Never
even picked up my 'dough!' for
that week.



13,313. PRAIRIE LEAGUE

PRAIRIE LEAGUE
Forceful smidgeon, the push
of desire, the sabre toothed tiger
down in L.A. : Each of those things
are mentioned in magazines and
books, shows and communications,
all taken for granted. No one any
longer even whistles the same tune,
and I no longer sense what I should
do  -  which was something that
once came natural to me.
-
I used to walk out of Penn Station:
assaulted by poverty, dead in my
face; the black guys with hands out,
mumbling; the catty black mamas
and white grandfather losers pushing
free copies of AM New York in my
face. Muttering good mornings to
each passing person; hoping for
dimes or a quarter.
-
It got so that I could measure the
rage within people's eyes just by a 
glance. Most of these people were
nuts, and it showed  -  they'd lost
bearings, destroyed all sense, were
at sea in their rickety craft. They
maybe got four dollars a day for
pestering people with their free
newspaper trash.
-
Drugs have a bottom-feeder toll
that keeps demanding payment. One
look at greasy clothing can tell the
story : eyes glazed, a riveted glare,
a way of swallowing tongue while
quick words are spoken. Even I
little cared for good sense; let
alone caring for them.


Wednesday, December 30, 2020

13,312. MAN GOES BY MANY NAMES

MAN GOES BY MANY NAMES 
The wife just today said, 'I have to
do more wash. I can't live like a
caveman.' I stumbled to laugh, and
said, 'Oh, sure you can'. Then I took
my club down from the wall. On the
nail I keep it hanging from. There
was no one else around, and she
looked scared enough.
-
Of course, nothing happened and I
made that up, but it set me thinking.
Chores like that, washing and drying,
Steering little matters all along the
way. Why, why, why, don't things
just leave us be?
-
Out in the distant yard, I decided
to walk through the woods. Years
ago someone had cut some trees,
and a few old stumps are still there.
Cherry-wood, that he had 'sold' for
timber; the previous owner here.
-
What a mess. Selling trees as if
you owned them, for the crass
implementation of a few passing
bucks. That's not a deer joke, mind
you, but maybe it could be.

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

13,311. EXECUTION

EXECUTION
Someone's got their head in the
oven again. Sylvia darling, this
can't be left to stand. Let's have
at it with our commanding logic:
Why is man to live if just to die?
How much allowance is granted,
say, to accelerate the process? The
oven door is open again.
-
I put my books down and decided
to skip all endings. I don't care
about anything. Biographies of
butterflies, on the backs of 
cornflakes boxes, even those
won't be enough to stay my
execution.

13,310. BREAKING TRADITION

BREAKING TRADITION
It's so weird here, how on
somedays I hear a noise and
it can't be traced, yet three days
later I find the cause. Something
so simple as to be a laugh. But
who laughs at their own self?
-
In a world where everything is
rational, the rational man counts
for something more than he is 
worth. And I shall not be judged
a rational man.

13,309. MAKE IT A TRENCH

 MAKE IT A TRENCH
For a normal minute, the man
was talking about his father.
Back when. A crane operator
who had worked at the quarry.
After the war; I guessed he
meant II. The crane he was
operating toppled over, and 
his father was pinned. Lost 
an arm to nothing. Now, the
guy says, a lot of those rocks
and cut stones are the fronts
of the very houses you see.
Can't just wait for WWIII.
-
Any of those wars, the same:
First, Second...Third.
I imagined how those old 
stories went: 'He survived 
Verdun, but not Mt. Gunn.' 
Or, 'He threw grenades like 
a practiced pro. Then he lost 
his arm in the quarry; how 
things go?' On D-Day, in
that morning, I wonder
what he was thinking
about. 
-
Einstein was it, who
said: "I do not know with
what weapons World War III
will be fought, but World War
IV will be fought with sticks
and stones.' Correct; and all
those Dad and Grandad stories
just roll on.....

Monday, December 28, 2020

13,308. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,111

 RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,111
(I left just leaving a message)
I always figured if a person
wasn't 'learning' at all times,
there was little use to anything.
I know that all of my workings 
always went towards those ends.
They used to talk about all the
'Mosaic' stuff, about America 
being a tiled combination of
all different sorts  -  patterns
and colors and all  -  even though
I knew it was a bunch if crap and
only one of those public-relations
bullshit gimmicks to push some
wan political point along. Criminals
talk like that, and each time I ever
heard that concept, it was from the
mouth of a criminal. Anyway, you
never heard of anyone talking about
America being a center of learning
or a wellspring of information.
Everything was, by contrast, always
being dragged down or ironically 
belittled, or abused or made fun
off; with a sort of smug-superiority
of the dumb taking precedence.
When Melville wrote Moby Dick, 
(a New Yorker by birth, Herman
had been born in 1819 at 6 Pearl
Street, of a mix of British, Dutch,
an French nationalities. A fairly
common NY mix, back then),
the reception wasn't quite as
expected (it bombed). The
literati responded with mixed, 
lukewarm reviews. Exhausted
at bringing out that 'wild Everest
of art,' bitterly disillusioned at
the reception, Melville poured
out his fevered emotions in
'Pierre' (in typical NY fashion). 
It was a book that would
irretrievably damage his
literary reputation, dealing 
as it did with incest,  Oedipus,
and the mysteries of the
unconscious, and is about 
a young man who comes to
New York and tries to earn
his living as a writer in the
'shivering cold of a third-story
room.' Like Moby Dick,
'Pierre' was ungratefully
received and rudely
condemned. Pierre contains
many autobiographical
strands, and the third-story
room is based on the one
in which Melville finished
Moby Dick.
-
As far as I ever traced it 
back, that room was at what
was then called 'Dutch Street
(gone now), behind the
courtyard of the old 'Church
Of the Apostles' in the book
(in reality the South Baptist
Church, at 82 Nassau Street).
-
So, I'm probably going on too
much about nothing, but, back in
old NYC, as I first landed there
and started my stretch, all these
far-more-young things then
mattered so much; like my
own 'hazing' period as a new
arrival. Over the last 6 years 
or so, any trace of that stuff
is all gone. I left NYC in an
embittered funk over the
manner it which it has (had)
been destroyed, run over, 
enfeebled by capital and greed,
plaza'd and stupid-built to death
and, now, populated by weasels.
Along the way in this life, you
lose some things, and pick up 
others. Why in the world do
people worship money, and
seek and stab to scratch it
out? That's all I'm left with.
-
I'm as strange and as wrecked
by things as Melville ever was;
I'd bet. Like 'My Satchel Paige
to your Bartleby the Scrivener.'
That's the faint equivalency of 
today, and it's little offered. 
When I first found myself in
my post-NYCity life, in 
Columbia Crossroads, PA, 
one of the first things I took 
up with was reading Thorstein 
Veblen. Amazing and cantankerous, 
useless and insipid too; many 
fine books to his name; he'd
pegged perfectly the insane
vacuity that was America then.
The WWI era was a perfect 
calling. The Norwegian element
of his harshness was perfect.
I got to Ithaca, and, entering
the gated realms of Cornell
was like re-living some small
part of his crazy biography.
He'd been there. Actually, 
he'd been everywhere, 
though I had not. I jotted
something down, and I
guess I left just leaving
a message.
-
When I finally got some 
dog-assed job there, at
'Columbia Crossroads,' it
was taking care of, heating,
by two huge coal furnaces,
24-damned hours a Winter's 
days and nights, the 20 area
classroom local schoolhouse.
(It's now gone, and the building
itself is the indoor parts-storage
facility for the auto salvage yard
which now rings it all  -  which
seems about right to me as a
reflection of the American 
school system, so no difference
there). Anyway, wrapped high
and heavy, back then, in my
mantle of Thorstein Veblen,
the most amazing thing 
happened. Right across the
way, one dirt path over, in
a large, old farmhouse, lived
a Norwegian family; and their
last name was Thorstein! They
had this amazing 14-year old
daughter, named Sharon. She
was the coolest thing in the world
there; rambled-up, countryfied,
friendly, happy, smart, talkative,
and wise too. We became talk
friends, and she often hung
around that stupid pre-junkyard
school just for something to do.
Nothing to do with Thorstein
Veblen, of course, but all those
crazy coincidences just wiped
me, somehow, out. Norwegian.
Thorstein  -  as first or last name
I didn't care. Talky. Sassy. Cool.
That's a pretty dumb story, gut
there it is. Don't know whatever
happened to Sharon; and I wonder
if she knows about Thorstein?



13,307. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,110

 RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,110
(a cry for certainty)
I almost hesitate to follow up
the previous chapter by calling
this Part Two, as if, within a
context, I don't mean 2x2 to
the growth/infinite, 2-deep
over 2 transformed and but
one of two-infinitesimal.
Know what I mean?
-
Some portion of all this has 
to do with speed. I think as 
appearances slow down, life
begins to appear more solid.
It's difficult to tell someone
that it's all illusionary, and that  
as they 'stand still' they are actually
on a 'globe' that is both spinning
and free-falling through space,
but within  a 'bubble' of context
in which they and their effects
notice none of that and are not
in any form reminded or made
cognizant of those actions and in
which everything else is doing the
same thing.  Ongoing. Concurrent 
(Those two words again!).
-
There's a message on my board
here that tells me today is an
invite to some round-table 
discussion with a Congressman,
presented by and sponsored
with the Ethical Culture Society
or somesuch. Sorry, folks, but
in my spinning speed-factory of
illusion I'll be skipping that event,
and who in the world does such
a slime-ball character as that
Congressman think he is? People
become so dead and concrete like
that and they thereby make a dead
and concrete world which, to their
own advantage, they pretend to
propagate onto others : conclusions,
assumptions, memory references,
etc. My own conclusion is that
everyone is so pathetic. How would
I address him on that count? I
couldn't tear through the tinfoil in
which he is ensconced.
-
There's a spot in my heart for most
anything, and I dreamed last night
that I witnessed a repo-man go
by a crowd listening to a comedian
who was going on about a skit with
a horn in it and which had been
referenced by George Harrison in
a song. Huh? The repo man, who
was slowly trolling the street, was
driving a 1953 Dodge tow truck,
the old kind like you no longer see,
with the chain and hook hanging
from the hoist-lift on the rear. It
was pretty amazing. I wasn't even
sure what time I was really in, nor
if he'd already taken my own car
the day before, which in this dream
was still missing. 
-
Isn't it funny, as well, to see a name
out of context? One that has lost all
real meaning except to those of a
certain time period, after which, to 
others, it reverts to being just merely
another name: George Harrison. It
could be anyone, after all.
-
Life curls over on itself and engulfs
its own momentary meaning  -  things
we maybe delineate by years and dates
and eras, but which, to time and within
time, have no real meaning except for
that given context. It's quite terrifying 
actually, how things are always in
turmoil and embroiled into their own
feverish mass of heated, molecular
activity. Which we 'call' it. Which
is, after all, only within a tiny band 
of that which we call 'temperature' 
and to which we amend the word
'Heated.'
-
When we are 'born' to these illusions,
we are already demanding certainty.
The infant's cry is a cry for certainty.
The answer for which? There is none.

Sunday, December 27, 2020

13,306. GOLDEN BELLS

GOLDEN BELLS
The conservatory pattern of the
willing life is by now gone far
amiss. Buds bloom on glimmer
trees, but droop on the azaelea's 
kiss. Everything now runs by
different patterns as the world
falls into its own new darkness.
-
The golden bell of devotion,
I'd suppose, is still present on 
the mountains and hills. A small
village in a hollow is like a new
Eden on the run!

Saturday, December 26, 2020

13,305. GYPSY ARRESTED FOR TELLING THE TRUTH

GYPSY ARRESTED FOR 
TELLING THE TRUTH
Sometimes I tell myself stories, and
it can get like that. The cool, beige air,
I can recall, over 1970's Pennsylvania
hills, and the numerous, two-level
chicken-coops I always be seeing.
White and wavy, no longer straight,
as the land beneath them, over the
years, had slowly shifted. But the
wood held firm and then it took for
itself the shape of the groundswell.
The same wave and twist. It's still
like that today, on those I see.
-
Like fingernails on a finger's tip,
some of them are yet around, clinging
in a quiet desperation to the slowly
changing ground. No more local
chickens though  -  except for those
with the driveway or barnyard sales.
The large-volume egg coops are now
all quiet and gone.
-
Candling is an art long gone : it was
a means of checking a chicken egg. I
never understood it much, even as it
was done. Just another tom-fool item
on some checklist and inventory: hen
and egg, numbers of chickens, now
many to hatch? The process seemed
always to reach its own ends : like
a gypsy, arrested for telling
the truth.

13,304. HUMMINGBIRD

HUMMINGIRD
What I meant to say was something
like 'necktie to nectar.' A full circle
diatribe as I shout out to the world.
-
Hangmen, of course, just call the knot
a necktie, and they are  -  more or less  -
right. Even the shoemaker examines
the soles of the shoes on the man
left dangling in air.
-
Now, like most of nothing, there's
a tiny bird spinning wings in that
air. Holding in place. Aloft. Ten tons
of energy, in a quarter-ounce bag.

13,303. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,109

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,109 
(a long strange read, but worth the trek, though
though you best be sitting down when reading it)
It has taken me, truly, a long
time to realize the difference
between two worlds: my present,
'elder' by contrast, world, and
the actual 'present' world that
the mass of other people live in.
There's no apologizing for it,
and it's not a problem. It's just
something to be realized and
acknowledged and, frankly,
thanked. I wouldn't have it
any other way. (I'll get to the
rest of this in a few moments,
but for now hear me out).
-
I have a braggart, correspondent
friend with whom contact is 
maintained  -  though sometimes
badly and sometimes quite barely.
There's nothing really 'wrong' with
it, except that he consistently does
assume that, for whatever reason,
we share the same worlds. We do
not. And I'll repeat that : We do not.
Convection ovens? Rolls Royces?
Businesses on three continents?
The ear of the Postmaster General?
Yachts, boats, the finest of shirts and
foods, illusionary accolades, high
contacts (and contracts) within such
things as The New York Times. The
strong and the powerful a phone call
away. I think something's baked, far
too long, in some sort of oven; and
perhaps to be called some expensive
version of California brain-stew. It's
not everyone who can, upon having
a tardy package not arriving, pick up
the phone and call the Postmaster
General, (apparently a guy named
Louis De Joy), speak, and have
that package promptly located
and delivered. Some reality!
-
The world is a confusing place, I
grant, and, yes, sadly, we don't all
make it through the same. I admit to
many failures, little achievement, no
riches, and worries by the bushel. But,
I speak  the truth. Not MY truth, 
necessarily, but THE truth. Now, such
a concept as Truth can be argued all
day [see Pilate, Pontius], but at some
high-level rendering it does 'exist' 
and mostly as a simple either/or 
acknowledgement. Just because one
'says' something, does not make it
true. We all have wishes and urges.
Acted out, versus perfectly described
in fantasy-land; that's another matter.
This all reminds me of walking the
old, nearly moribund, streets of Red
Hook, Brooklyn. The sense I always
got out of that was that there was
some sort of life-force there, but it
was all wasted and tired, composed
of fractured remnants of, perhaps,
what once was. Harbor, boats, old
sea craft, shops, bars and restaurants,
mixed and (slowly) mingled with,
on the one hand the raggedy hulks
of old buildings (for which time had
stopped), and, on the other hand, the
speeding, swift, evidences of the
modern  -  noisy, chrome-shiny
taverns and eateries ringed with
hipster youth, pleasurable party-goers,
and those others who ride the more
agile asteroids of the new and the
present. Difficult to just stand in
place and stare at something old
and fixed, while the world speeds
and spins within a velocity that alters
and re-reckons everything else. No
sense in even talking; certainly
not worth bragging. Illusion.
-
I've found the most startlingly serious
matter about life at present, to be Physics.
The subject matter of Physics. It kind
of now overlaps with Philosophy too,
in that they both, as two hands on one
body, facilitate and make possible the
handling of objects  -  boxes tied within
concepts and overlapped with denser
realities. I walk amongst this, wallowing
sometimes in the most severe confusion,
and at other times suddenly claiming a
perfect clarity. All because of some 
current, descriptive, state of 'Physics,'
by and about our 'illusionary' world.
Enough said on my part. I'm here just
going to put down three or four rough
facsimiles as quoted, to what I mean,
to show it. I place it here because it's
meaningful, important, eye-opening,
and momentous:
-
'A small part of the revolution that is
currently overtaking cosmology is that
the omega-point models have been
ruled out by observation. Evidence  -
including a remarkable series of studies 
of supernovae in distant galaxies  -  has
forced cosmologists to the unexpected
conclusion that the universe not only
will expand forever but has been 
expanding at an accelerating rate.
Something has been counteracting its
gravity. We do not know what. Pending
the discovery of a good explanation,
the unknown cause has been named
'dark energy.' There are several
proposals for what it might be,
including effects that merely give
the appearance of acceleration. But
the best working hypothesis is that
in the equations for gravity there is
an additional term (first mooted by
Einstein in 1915, and then dropped
because he realized that his explanation
for it was bad). It reappeared again in
the 1980's as a possible effect of quantum
field theory, but again there was no
theory of the physical meaning of such
a term good enough for its magnitude.
The problem of the nature and effects
of dark energy is no minor detail...so
much for cosmology being a fundamentally
completed science.' To wit, we know little.
Another one: 'When the total volume of
what we can see [as the Big Bang' continues
expanding, the finite portion of infinite
space that we can see, as a portion, will
continue to grow], ever more unlikely
phenomena will come into view. When
that total volume of what we see is a
million times larger than it is now, we
shall see things with that probability of
'one in a million' a lot more. Everything
physically possible will be revealed.
According to prevailing theory, those
things exist already, but many times too
far away for light from them to have
reached us: Watches that came into
being spontaneously; asteroids that
look like William Paley [an old-era
corporate head of CBS].' What they 
are saying is that, within this 'expansion,'
we will realize that every thought we 
have creates a reality, and that each 
of those parallel realities exist 
concurrently, with us  -  psyche, 
oversoul  -  working them through. 
Constant expansion. Total immersion. 
Point of fact : No difference exists 
between fact and fantasy, because
the imagining is all. And everything
just is!!
-
Physicists even have a take on lotteries!
'This issue has an even wider scope. For
example, there is the so-called 'quantum
suicide argument' in regard to this 
multiverse. Suppose you want to win
the lottery. You buy a ticket and set up
a machine that will automatically kill
you in your sleep if you lose. Then, in
all the histories in which you do wake
up, you are a winner. If you do not
have loved ones to mourn you, or
other reasons to prefer that most
histories not be affected by your
premature death, you have arranged
to get something for nothing with what
proponents of this theory call 'subjective
certainty.' Once again, my own life, by
these tenets, is circumscribed by infinite
possibilities....and infinite doubts. What,
after all, is really going on? Fact? Fallacy?
Illusion? Reality.
-
I'll continue this (fascinating) stuff in
the next chapter too, but for now I wish
to conclude this one with this last and
quite incredible, further premise: 'Imagine
that physicists discover that space is
actually many-layered like puff-pastry;
the number of layers varies from place 
tp place; the layers split in some places,
and their contents split with them. Every
layer has identical contents though. Hence,
although we do not feel it, the instances
around us (fact/fantasy/illusions), split
and merge as we move around. All things
can be, and nothing has to be, though
nothing is 'not.' In quantum theory the laws
of physics tell us how to count histories
by measure. But, counting the number
of instances of oneself is no guide to
the probabilities one ought to use in
determining what is or is not. Repeating
the same simulations of self a million
times would make no more sense for it
being more or less likely of one being a
'simulation' instead of a 'Reality' as we
claim to know it, nor that one is or is
not a 'simulation rather than the original. 
Will then the future universe, simulated,
even be moral? The world as it exists
today contains an enormous amount of
suffering and whoever ran such a simulation
would be responsible for recreating it. Or
would they?'
-
Fie then! Get thee to a nunnery! 
Seek thee certainty where ye
may find it!