12,066. RUDIMENTS, pt. 797

RUDIMENTS, pt. 797

(I called them bastards)

It took some getting used to

no lights in the sky. Nothing.

Except stars, and of those

there were plenty. But there

were no lamps, streetpoles,

floodlights or any of that.

The farmyards here and there

had their own lampposts

for the barnyard to be lit up,

but mostly they were on

switches and not just plain

'on' all the time. You don't

know pitch dark until you've

been experienced with it.

When I first got to my

property, there were two

lamp-poles I'd not known

about, regular street lights

that came on at darkness. I

had the fixtures immediately

removed, once I realized they

were coming on nightly and

blinding me. I was calling the 

power company for the new 

account set-up anyway. Those

two lamps came to $103 monthly,

and I knew I didn't need to be

paying that, and I really didn't

want that extra light at $52 each.

I wanted darkness, thanks.

They left the poles in place,

they came and took the lighting

arms away. I used to go out at

night, deep night, like 2am, just

to fixatedly observe the sky. It

was dark, and riddled with

thousands of stars  -  (dare I say 
tens of thousands? Numbers fail
for this grasp)  -  bright, not

so bright, dim, wavering, and

even varied in color some.

What amazed me, I think the

most, were two items that

astounded. First was how

much movement there was

in the deep night sky  -  things

moving around, in their silence.

I'd figured for what the blinks

were; satellites and various of

Mankind's orbital things. Yet,

beyond them there was an

almost constant movement,

somewhere, at any time, of

streaking  -  comets, asteroids

whatever. I wasn't a science

type who would get sky maps

and tracking charts and all

that  -  to me it was all more

thrilling and cosmic, and I

wished for it to stay that way.

My thoughts were usually as

wandering as some of those 

stars anyway. The second

aspect of this which astounded

me  - and this is a little difficult

to get across  -  was the pure

dimensionality of deep space.

As I stared and studied what 

I saw, there was a constant

three-dimensional effect; the

stars are layers of depth, the

aspect of 3-D startles. The

miserable, industrial sky of

Jersey and Avenel with which

I'd grown as a flat, 'dispossibly'

disconcerting, nay boring,

artifice; Sky. Something that

once may have been important.

To someone. To others, in the

past. I'd see all those star

charts and diagrams of the

horoscope sky, and the old,

ancient, supposedly mythical

images of ancient man, who, it

was said, somehow sat around 
and got the outlines of Gods and 
their legends from all that, to 
formulate by : place, and time,
portraits and images from the

sky, of archers and rams and

buckets and fountains. That

crap always baffled me, and 

it seemed like a real load of 

it too. The night sky now,

however, that I was viewing,

there in Pennsylvania's distant

high lands, bore more the

resemblance of gauze. A web,

an entire panoply of stars and

celestial objects NOT in any

flat pattern, but one so awesome

and deep and rich that the varied

depths, the very deepness of

the night and the astronomical

world above, could be seen as

in the equivalent of some real,

heavenly, divine, cosmic

ViewMaster. I'd never before

experienced it  -  it was hot to

the touch, enrapturing, and it

all captivated me totally. I 

never wanted for daylight 

again. I'd found my element,

my own 'dark' matter, which

wasn't dark at all.

-

I knew I'd hit onto something:

The world was never anything

of what people say it was. I

sensed that counting eggs! 

Each egg was another life 

and another world; limited 

in its scale, yes, and only 

little like ours, but farmers 

viewed each as an installment 

of money, a designated, tiny

and incremental part of a 

much-larger packet of the

egg-production, and milk, 

and corn, and everything

else by 'commodity,' they

lived. You'd think, being 

around all that life, they'd 

value something of it. But

that never happened  -  oh

sure, they got cute around the

bunnies and foals and chicks

when the children were near,

doing all that dumb adult

stuff that parents and adults

do around kids; but none of

it was true. Each was a 

commodity, saleable by 

volume, and valued as that 

only. Besides, all over the land

round them, if something

could be shot, hunted or

otherwise killed as wild, it

would be. Nature got little

regard except as business.

Over time that really gnawed 

at me, galled me, and pretty

much turned me against what

I was seeing.

-

It was the same with that

night sky  -  I was lost in

an almost Nirvanic reverie

each time  -  yet these oafs 

all around me saw nothing 

and cared little of it. They'd 

rather have haircuts and 

their damned apple jack. I'd

be lost in Orion's Belt, on

my own in the deep, deep sky,

and all they wanted was another

belt of their booze to try. All

things had gotten twisted up,

and I began seeing how there,

yes, even there, people were

living misrepresented lives,

getting things wrong; ignoring 

the best, a thriving on the wrong.

Taking sustenance, as it were

from bad cattle-feed of the

mind. A lethal mind. My

wife had a Siamese cat; a

real nice one, expensive too.

We brought it with us, having

bought down in Laurence Harbor,

NJ a year or so back, in some

miserable pet store that's now

a store-front post office next

to a naked bar that opens daily

at 4pm and is now BYOB after

years of NO alcohol allowed.

Things change, I guess, and I

end up wondering how I know

this stuff anyway. Farm boys

ran the cat down, it having been

strolling around out the broad

yard; for a bit of the air  -  got off 

near the road, and these yokels

ran it down under the pretense

that they'd 'thought it was a

raccoon.' Well, at least they

told us about it later. Another

time, I had a dog, a crazy-ass

black Lab, about three years old,

full of God's own graces and

pep and energy too. They one

day long-distance shot it. For

what they said was 'chasing

deer. I called them 'bastards'

on that case.