5463. I HAD TO

I HAD TO

The drumbeat slowly thudded, long and away  -  they

threw flowers on some awkward grave. I wanted to

utter a curse instead. I had to disengage all of my peers;

there weren't any left and those that were were not. No 

manner of mind or speaking could bring me back. They had

not left me, I had left them. A hen-fat cinderblock hammock,

like a closed mind to a doorway opened, kept me laughing

well within. 'I make things up, I just go on'. Two of the

locale gendarmes were throwing up in the weeds. The

Campari brothers I swore to call them  -  their belt-strap,

the bullets, their black leather belts. All the useless shiny

things of rigor and mortis combined : follow these rules

and take these orders. We only eat at certain times, and at

those times you must. They were probably just still eighteen

and already looking for a free ride for life. How useless,

how useless all of this can become so quickly.