16,266. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,286

 RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,286

(you can only be blindsided when you're blind)

The simplicity of the human condition

astounds. Many, many times, between

A and B, unknown to them, there are

a hundred intermediate points. Yet they

simply go from A to B, thinking that's it.

If only they, or anyone, would grasp the

concept, so many more things could

get done. Each of those 'points' is a

stepping off point into another world:

one perhaps where consciousness rules, 

cancer and disease are no more prevalent

than a sneeze, and old age infirmities,

like memory, just exist, but do not grow

or progress. And this doesn't just go

between A and B; it runs the entire

circuit, M to N, and  R to S, all the

way down the line. Life is (almost) 

limitless in this regard  -  openings 

and opportunities abound.

-

The Breck Girl I've made mention of

had been, in her youth, around the world,

on fashion shoots, travel spreads, and

safaris too. The Studio work was in-house

NYC fashion industry stuff, but it came

with all sorts of connections. Piles of

money too, and I'd supposed contractual

residuals, swag, and connections. Pretty

good deal for some 20-year old beauty.

She certainly had more enthusiasms

about things than I ever did, and it

showed : she was ebullient, joyous,

and happy  -  one day going on about

a Christmas Party she was throwing,

another day wanting to take me, with

her, to the new Princeton Dog Park 

they'd just opened. It wasn't much 

of anything, as dog parks go, but she 

was beside herself over it. 

-

You can usually tell how comfortable people

are about themselves, and their money too,

by the manner in which they handle things.

Without a second glance, paying for an

expensive meal or a coffee and crumpet. 

It all just glides, without a second thought. 

They keep talking, right through the 

transaction. since it matters nothing 

to them. (I don't even really know what

a 'crumpet' is).

-

Money, apparently, is the dividing 

characteristic of most of life's matter.

For myself, it's always been the last thing

on my mind and  -  somehow like the

loaves and fishes thing  -  my God-graces

are adequate enough so that when I 'need'

something, or 'some', it's always provided.

I accept reality as the flow I walk amidst;

nothing to be controlled and ram-rodded

by me. BUT, I know many others who

worship at its altar (money), constantly 

going back to finagle more, using up 

every moment of their life and time to 

increase their lucre. Every effort that can

be put forth is put forth - to increase the

supposed accumulation of riches which

can be generated, and every waking 

moment is judged and reviewed by

what can be made of it and at what

return.

-

A nice stand of trees, say an acre or three,

(I've witnessed this), as nice as it may be,

if NOT viewed for its niceness. It rather

gets valued (as a must-have) because of

amount of harvestable timber on it. (They

call that like this: 'Those aren't trees, that's

timber.')...Eight thousand dollars, three 

weeks later, is turned over to him, for the 

trees, (cherry, oak, whatever, each tree

is valued differently) this new owner, who 

now possesses a stripped and newly bared

'plot' of land - chewed up, ripped and gouged

too. It's enough to make me ill, but it goes

on all the time.

-

(OK, gar, let's move on)....The Princeton

people were smooth, I admit that. There

were weird firestorms too, which swept

through for, to me, seemingly unnecessary

reasons. Like the issue of shoplifting. The

issue here was more of 'suspicion' than of

actual shoplifting. Yet, the bookstore here

implemented a shoplifting alert of sorts,

among all the Princeton students milling

about and waiting for the local, loose,

coursebooks on display. A few of us were

placed as 'book police' (?) to watch the 

stairwell and the activities going on. Like

paint drying, it used up time and not much

else. You'd think the Princeton kids had

enough money, and privilege, and also

University programs to lessen their 

oh-so-horrid book expense burden, but 

they always wanted more. Their recourse 

to theft, I was told, was paramount if 

unchecked. At B&N in Clark, we'd get 

shoplifters in, with booklists of what to 

steal and which titles to focus on, who

were, usually if not always, seen if not

caught. Cops occasionally would pull 

someone over leaving the parking lot, 

after a phone call was made with a car 

description and/or a plate number. Times

there were when such apprehension,

upon flipping open a trunk, was rewarded 

with a trunk-load of stolen books, along 

with maps and lists of which Barnes & 

Noble stores to hit. But this whole 

Princeton thing was different. Frankly, 

I think it was more unease and paranoia

that anything else. I don't think these

Princeton brats even had it in them to

steal, at least until they became bankers

and stockbrokers and hedge-fund managers

and pyramid-scheme operators. Actually,

more of the problem was within the store

than without. I always thought it was

pretty porous.

-

The Huck Finn character I mentioned? 

She was still around, yes, and pretty 

much had muscled me out of the way. 

I just gave up. At first it all was cute. 

Then it was annoying, and I realized 

I was doing all the grunt work, and 

he/she was gaining all the glory. No 

matter, and I mention it only for factors 

of documentation So I began being more 

friendly with the outsiders I'd deal with  -  

the drivers, freight guys, UPS and FedEx 

guys. They were definitely cool and more 

real-world anyway. Huck Finn had an in

with the 'girls' (?) which always baffled me

because she was purporting to be a male,

and they were females-only adherents. 

It all confused the fuck out of me and I 

realized I didn't know what a Lesbian, 

at heart, really was. Which was OK by 

me in any case. But, problems arose. 

She started sleeping there, overnight, 

in the store. I said nothing. The couch 

was nice enough, I guess. Her home-life 

was a shambles  -  some odd apartment 

in Trenton, and with a new, wild dog

too. Perhaps she needed the space and

the silence. I kept quiet, figuring there'd 

be no sense in making noise, and the way 

things went I'd end up having to defend, 

not the issue, but why I spoke up! 

- 

In the beginning, each 6 or 6:30 pm exit

from a day's work was misery. I'd walk

from the bookstore to the train or to my

vehicle in an abject fear that I'd failed

again and that I'd soon be losing my

job. It seemed every day there was

another crisis and nothing as an

explanation, and it all just kept getting

worse and worse. Being scolded, or singled

out, well, it just all seemed wrong to me.

I was part of nothing, and all was running

against me. Selling books (which I wasn't

doing in any case) was a nightmare, like

doing dentistry with no training and no

license. People were walking around

with sore gums! Because of me? Huh?

In any case there seemed to be so much 

self-righteousness going around that

little else mattered. The early-morning

maintenance guy became my best friend

there. He was at least normal and sedate, 

even if we merely talked tools or

lightbulbs. One ally I found I did have,

in the store and on staff, for which I was

thankful  -  at least while she was there,

and then she was gone  -  was he nice woman

running the Kids' Department. I hated

children's books and that whole menagaerie

of stupidity they represented, but she was

a stalwart, smart, and prescient person.

-

There were things going on I never even knew

about. One crazy guy we had, who later went

to Philadelphia when he finally got assigned a

parish to rule over, was a Princeton Theological

Seminary grad whose wife was also the Princeton

University Chaplain. One day we were talking,

and he found out I traveled from Metuchen each 

day, by train, and then walked the rest. He became

euphoric over my efforts (they were not 'efforts'

at all), and he said 'Oh Man! That's so great!

Who have NO carbon footprint at all!'

-

Excuse me...carbon footprint? I had no

clue by what power he thought the electric 

trains ran on. I took TWO! He reminded me

of those electric car people always ranting

on about their saving the world. You can

only be blindsided when you're blind.