NEVER WEAR SHOES
TO A WEDDING.
No, really - this isn't a joke. It's fatal
bad luck. People have died on the spot,
and for others it's taken 40, 50 years.
Just look around you, everyone's now
divorced, or nearly so. It's because they
all wore shoes.
-
I read that in an old Farmer's Almanac,
one from like 1935. Artemus Ward was
the guy's name who wrote it or said it
or whatever you have to do to get into
one of those little yellow almanac things.
They used to be small, and really cool,
with lots of neat information, cow-care
tips, ads for overalls and pails, rope and
silos and twine. Moon phases and weird
folk remedies.
-
Like frying an egg, in your pajamas,
and then putting it, still warm, on your
face. For toothache relief. Maybe it
too had something to do with the twine.
You looked so stupid with an egg on
your face, you gladly tied the twine
to the door-handle and your tooth...
and just slammed it and damn it all.
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