THE HERO WITH THE ZERO
Your Honor, your Honor, forgive me here but I'm just
gonna' talk : I had nothing to do with this entire thing,
just held a knife to the other man's head because I
thought he was raving mad and I wanted to help. I
only polished that silversmith's gun so he wouldn't
get germs when he put it in his mouth. I took a full
seventy-six dollars from your inside pocket because
that's how much I thought you were worth. Your Honor,
your Honor, I'm innocent; believe me. I went to the
dentist to get my leg set, it was broken in fourteen
places. The dentist said 'sit' and I said 'don't you
mean 'open?' But he didn't get the joke. I then took
my toothache instead to his podiatrist friend only
because I thought it was perhaps a case of foot-in-
mouth disease. How was I to know it was Lent?
Your Honor, your Honor please listen. I remembered
too late it was soon to be over and when I got there
it was already done, tomorrow was yesterday, and
the feature film at the Lido was no longer featured. To
remember it all, I robbed that bank but I swear I
only took their rubber bands. You can't punish a
man for stretching the truth. Or is that now how
it's done? Justice wears a malarkey face.
Your Honor, your Honor, believe me.
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