RUDIMENTS, pt. 304
Making Cars
My life was a mistake; I think
I can say that safely now. I base
that on results. Not promises; it's
far too late for any of that. I can
name 4 or 5 people right off who
have done themselves in - whatever
personal basis of belief that held
for them was not for me. At the
same time, I respected them for
their privacy. A suicide is a private
thing and it's nice if it's done
alone. It's only been in these
most recent decades that we've
had jihadists and all that who
no longer are content with killing
just themselves. They've need now,
justified by religion, to take 30 or
40 people with them if they can.
Maybe there's a group rate, in
their afterlife, if you come in
with others. That's kind of what
they proclaim anyway. I never
held that stuff in anything but
contempt. I like sticking around,
failure or not, because - as I've
told others, 'I want to see how
this thing ends up.' It's not really
a good feeling, because every
day that ticks by is another one
less. God helps those who help
themselves. I never even did that.
-
It seemed that every time I really
got humming, something else
cropped up to throw me off.
Deep questions, kind of, that
no one would ever answer
because none of it was any
bit of 'conversational' stuff.
I still go through things like
that. Like just this morning:
I arise for 4:30 and then walk
to the train station to get a
5:11 - which is my train of
choice because there are only
sleepy, groggy, and quiet
workers on it, guys on their
way to jobs, construction
workers, plasterers, and all
that. You can tell by their
equipment and their clothing
- and the huge lunch pails
too, which they lug along.
It's just a much quieter bunch,
and it's an express train, which
means, after Rahway, no stops
in those tedious loser towns
like Linden and Elizabeth,
where the real nose and odor
crowd gets on. Newark,
unfortunately, makes up
for them. I'm thinking about
Creation, and the Earth, and
the darkness and the slow
dawn (which was happening
around me), bird whistles,
the full or one-day off from
full, moon hanging above.
Pre-dawn is a really cool
time as things start their
wake-up. So anyway, it's
dark, and I'm in the train
while it's rolling along and
I begin to think about the
tracks. I can feel the train
running; sense the force
and the energy of it. I easily
read the straight-line travel,
though it's unseen, but then
I realize, in the darkness,
when the tracks curve and
slightly roll to a non-straight
travel, my inner equilibrium,
the gyroscope of my being,
let's say, knows that we are
not traveling straight, that
we are curving or turning.
My body, or sense-of-body,
knows this, is able to read it,
in the darkness, as we travel
along. It's sort of an internal
read of the surroundings.
Outside of that feel we don't
see much. The dark landscape
is in close, and no distant lights
lend a perspective - mainly
because, in these trains, all you
really see at these hours are the
interior scenes around your
traveling self reflected back
onto the windows. There really
is no 'outside' at this train-hour.
So, it's pretty fair to say, one's body
is reading the ride, so to speak.
Now, I think to myself, how
did that occur? There are a
few answers. The 'Maker' of
this world (the main and
predominant answer) initially
made ONE primitive man, and
then eventually, by version 2,
also made an accomplice, as
primitive person 2. When this
occurred, in these most primitive
stages, was this gyroscopic
balancing factor already there?
If so, why? What factor would
there have been to build this in?
Unless this all-seeing Creator
already foresaw (of course) the
future and knew that, by the
year 2000 we'd be more or less
already way into such things
having realities of their own?
Otherwise how would one of
those beings (me, actually?)
be so positioned on a train in
2018 reflecting on this unseen
motion and then portraying it,
however so feebly, on an
Internet schema, to anyone who
cared to delve, read or share the
thought? Too baffling to me.
Maybe Adam never wished to
fall out of a tree, and so this was
engrained within the blueprint?
-
Also, the things about cults always
bugged me. In the 1960's and '70's
everyone was always screaming
about people who'd run off to join
'cults.' In my own Biker years, funny
as it is, my mother-in-law once told
someone that she didn't know about
us,'my son-in-law took my daughter
and they ran off and joined a cult.'
Pretty strange, but I guess I could
understand something of what she
meant, or at least what she was
seeing. To my mind, it's all cults.
I can't understand, nor could I,
who would be mad enough to
make such a strange distinction.
Jews have their little caps, the
things they nail to their doorways.
Catholics have weird saints and
statues, stories of the dead rising,
they both have their own calendars,
ritual words, chants, prayers and
enfoldings. They each believe in
their own distinctive and specific
entry ways and means into their
own Paradises, conditions of
timelessness, back-stories, etc.
I'm not saying either or any is
right or wrong, and I don't much
care. (I have my own, very quiet,
set of beliefs, thanks). What I am
saying, or pointing out, is that you
probably should be careful when
those words and phrases are thrown
around about others, and you should,
probably, as I have tried my entire,
crummy life to, get the best, and
all the answers you can, first.
-
But my advice, really, is :
Do it alone, and do it singly.
And then be quiet, (even
on the train).
No comments:
Post a Comment