RUDIMENTS, pt. 747
(this time it's a real drag)
There never was an arsenel
of thought like the one I had.
It was all accidental bravery,
and nothing more than that.
My mind had somewhere
gotten wired differently, like
when you do a math problem,
getting the answer correct, but
not following their procedures
to reach that end - and, when
asked to explain what you just
did - being unable to say the
process you'd used. It's all
unexplainable and mysterious.
I sort of always knew what I
wasn't; but I never truly knew
what I was. Now it's too late
for all that, and I see the 'other'
side of that entire realm I've
been in. Good stuff awaits.
-
I've never been to the 'Proving
Grounds,' though I've often
heard of it, never knowing what
it was. One time I had a friend
who (dead now) spent time in
the Nevada desert somewhere,
at a proving grounds - looking
at old aircraft. He found it was
all fascinating - not meaning
antiques or anything, rather just
military stuff that the Air Force
and all had tried out, gone through,
tested and developed from. Kind
of like 'freak aircraft' he called
it. He wanted to move there,
live out in the sun, whatever
that Reno desert area is. One
time he sent me a postcard,
saying he'd flown a plane to
Texas. A big jet thing, not any
small private class. He said,
how he did it was, having hung
around long enough, and gotten
friendly with a few people,
and credibly showing some
expertise, they took him up,
on a flight, with them, and
while high aloft, he was invited
into the cockpit to take the
controls, for a long period
too. Any radio contact kept
was done by the pilot and
radioman overseeing, so no
one suspected anything,
knowing their voices. His
point was, once aloft, it's
all very easy - and I'm sure
it is, free, like flying in a
marshmallow I'd bet - but
it's at each end where you
get the risk and the problems,
at which areas he no longer
had the controls. Airborne
puppetry, sort of.
-
What an image is conjured up.
Daedalus indeed! Humanity
making its way across broken
skies by substitute means of
levitation and travel. Almost
a complete opposite to holding
a handful f dirt from beneath
your being, stooping to the
ground to dig and gather. Now.
Now. Maybe that's what totality
is or am I to say 'ever was?'
-
I can remember as a younger
person than I am now (ha), the
people who go about blatting
that 'The more you learn, the
more you don't know,' or 'the
more you realize how little
you know' - one or the other
of those though they both
refer to the same thing. I
can't for the life of me now
remember what people I'd
ever known who would say
such a thing, but it was
someone. It always seemed
such a stupid statement to me,
and it was usually meant as
some sort of guidance-edict
by the speaker who said it.
It never was clear to me, and
all I could ever think was how
stupid that person must be for
having that realization and so
verbalizing it too. Way too
obvious to even state, and if
they'd had any sort of brain
they would have realized it
before uttering it. Of course it
seems like that, silly, but that's
a very dull and literal point
of approach. As you are learning
new things, of course, the entire
'envelope' is being pushed, and,
of course, it will become certain
by factor of those new horizons
that you know less, not more.
It's not finite, as if you can
continue reaching closer to the
end by still 'more' - it's the
mystical,wise, opposite. As you
expand you realize how much
more you've opened up. That's
pretty much how I ended up
disdaining 'advice' as and as
often as, it was freely given.
'What do you want to be when
you grow up?' - 'When I get
there, I'll tell you.'
-
I got stuck today with one of
those adamant types, certain
of everything but full of
nothing. He had God down,
he had creation down, he
knew the weather for Noah's
days and all that went onto
the ark and how and why.
He knew, as if firsthand, how
the devils had fallen and now
brought us this Earth, how
many dead there are and
how they've all fallen and
how they'll arise again. Such
a two-hour monologue I'd
not heard before. I had a
grasp, yes, and knew many
of those same things in passing,
but I found I had no way to
verbalize, respond, or add
anything to his layout, replete
it was to the weird cultural
mutations to which he also
kept referring; televised things,
movies - all visual and all
entertainment. It did all seem
very self-satisfying for him,
and I was glad for that, for him,
happy he'd made his own grade.
It made me wonder what was up,
for it wasn't my grade at all.
-
Sure, everyone's got their own
picture of things, but like any
piece of art, why bother to talk
about it? With feeble words?
They only add to the dissembling
of the moment, and the message
never does clearly get through.
If you have to bother to explain,
it's not worth it. At a point
along the way it all becomes
terribly subjective and dependant
on the hearer accepting as well
too many other points about
the speaker. It all gets too
complicated - as in my case
here. I refused to accept any of
his arguments or points, any
of his recitations about Ezekial,
Joshua, Enoch and Noah,
because of his television and
entertainment industry references.
For me, having all that mixed
together presented a dishonesty
and a fallacious thought pattern.
That's just me; to be summed up
as, 'I don't want to hear your logic.'
-
Oftentimes the bearer is responsible
for that which he or she bears.
This time it was a real drag.
No comments:
Post a Comment