RUDIMENTS, pt. 462
(Stalag 17)
When I first got to the
seminary, whatever year that
was, in August, I guess '62,
maybe '63, about then, the
Seniors that year were doing
a Fall play which totally
intrigued me. You need to
remember, this was still, in
its way, post-wartime in the
minds of many of the men
who'd survived WWII, and
a lot of this, by the 50's, was
filtering up as literature,
plays and novels of the day -
everyone from Norman Mailer
to Joseph Heller was having
their go at it. A Stalag was a
German (Nazi) POW camp,
in this case, wherein the
captured Americans were
held. It had been a Broadway
play, I think, a success, and
in this context had been
rewritten slightly for our use
at the seminary - we had a
more limited reach of scenery,
props, and costumes, of course,
and so things were here and
there changed or adapted. At
the very same time,a small
script-writing project was
underway with something
called 'Darkness At Noon,' by
Arthur Koestler. That never
got anywhere, as it turned out
too dark and serious a subject
for that which we'd be allowed
to do. But, in any case, as a
newly arrived kid, ('Eyes Wide
Open') I watched this process
in a total state of new fixation.
I'd never before been exposed
to this sort of world- view or
thinking, and this was, for sure,
the strangest place in the world
to run across it, but there it was.
-
In so many respects the only
thing really 'religious' about
the seminary was the name
and the rituals and things
we had to do. Catholic
doctrine, mass, and study.
The rest of everything was
left wide open for us and
that made for some pretty
strange pickings. Such as
the one I just related. Plays
and recitations and performances
- in 1963 any of that was
still considered strange stuff,
almost beatnik-like. Turtleneck
sweaters and sunglasses, and
'yeah, man.' It was fun but
I never really knew what any
of it was doing there - though
I can now clearly see that
behind it all was a curious
but subdued form of
homo-eroticism; which
just sort of went with the
place. Everything was
on a sort of automatic pilot
and it came across as very
strange - there are some
boys who, at age 11 or
12 come across as very
cuddly and soft, almost
feminine, and seeking
the attention of older
guys seemed there to
satisfy lots of them. Early
in another year (they'd
have 'movies' on some
Saturday nights, in the
theater building) one of
the films shown was a
soppy western named
'Shane.' The lead kid
character was one of those
sorts of boys, I thought,
exactly. Everyone lapped
it up, a real fan-favorite.
Whatever it amounted to,
it did certainly seem to
sum up the situation for me.
35 years later, when I was
with Barnes & Noble, one
of the girls there had a baby,
a boy, and he was named
Shane! I was surprised at
that re-use of the name.
-
Not to say that any of this
was gloomy to me : I had
a fine old time of myself,
doing new things, no real
family or parental control.
In its way, this was different
and wide-open, but not. None
of it really mattered - except
for the fact that it really WAS
gloomy each time I went
back to Avenel for a visit.
That was where the gloom
was. The rest of the world
had moved on, right past
anything that was there. Like
gong backwards a bit - not
so much in time as in concept.
-
A lot of times, I noticed, you
could just go by clocks. The
stranger and more stalled a place
was, it seemed, the more access
there was to a clock. Right now,
in retrospect, that sounds like
the dumbest thing, and maybe
it is, but in Avenel there used
to be a liquor store where now
there's a tee-shirt place, next to
Margee's (or however they spell
it) up along the top of the
underpass as you head towards
Rahway Ave.'s direction, (you
my recall that's the spot that
weird guy hit me on a bike
with his car). In that liquor
store window there used to be
a school-sized clock. Like a
liquor store needed a clock,
right? Plus, the sort of driving
angle you've need to see it
and be looking over there
anyway was weird. On a
bicycle, or walking, it was
a different story, because the
sidewalk and curb beckoned.
But, anyway, why a clock?
And then one day it dawned
on me an suddenly made
perfect sense. General
Dynamics had shift-changes
and lunch breaks, and I'd
see guys with sandwiches,
(Mike's Sub Shop) sitting
all over the sidewalks, with
their backs against the walls,
eating their sandwiches and
lunches. So I figured maybe
it was ll for their benefit, as
a good-will gesture in the
hopes they'd become customers
of the liquor store that at least
gave them the time of day.
-
Of course, being in the seminary
at that time of my life I had
no clue what the everyday
habitation of normal life was
about. People earning a living,
and all that entailed, was never
really mentioned. Church stuff
doesn't cover that really, except
for the collection basket. I never
card anyway - what I was after was
finding that sweet spot that would
bring the mind of a boy (me) into
some better sort of commingling
with the world around him. I
really thought I could do it on my
own terms and was determined
to go down trying - if that's
what it took.
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