RUDIMENTS, pt. 517
(jack palance gives me a ring)
I always hated the idea of
celebrities, and the whole
thing that went with it too.
Who's a celebrity, and
what? I'm a celebrity.
You're a celebrity? Big
deal. What is it you are
going to do? Argue it
down? By going over
the many ways you have
of demeaning yourself?
I used to see celebrities.
I had a friend once whose
father had a small, part
time job valet-parking in
some nearby high-toned
crapola town. It was meant
to be a big deal to be told
Frank Sinatra or Sandra
Dee might show up. Big
whoop. Fancy restaurant?
In Summit? We're supposed
to bow down? Be impressed?
The 'Chairman Of the
Board (Bored)' has meat
grease on his tie? Shhh.
None of that ever impressed
me. The Studio School
version of a celebrity
was any of 10 famous
artists, or speakers who
had big credentials; Morton
Feldman, Buckminster
Fuller, John Cage. At
least those guys had fun.
Fame and glory must be
big-time heavy burdens.
-
In the seminary - since
there we never expected the
Pope - the idea of a celebrity
visiting was when, say, the
Governor came. Richard
J. Hughes. Who - we
were told - had himself
once been a ward of the
same seminary school.
And then some other guy,
Bill Cahill (William J.,
I think it was), he was
to become Governor a
but later - we had his
his son, William Jr., in
there with us - pretty
cool. Meaningless as
all get-out, but pretty
cool. The seminary, it
seemed, was always
making alliances with
these secular types, as
if the connection was
to mean anything. I
don't think it made any
budgetary difference. I
don't think we were
using state education
monies; or we shouldn't
have been. Property taxes,
I assumed, on the 2000
acres or whatever we
owned, were probably
already exempt, and
considered even as
agricultural and by so
thus farm-tax discounted
too - after all, we grew
all those peppers and
beans and things - for
and with Campbell
Soup. Co. Religion and
peppers, perfect together,
like NJ used to say.
-
One time I saw Tony
Roberts on the street. He
looked as dumb as could be,
along Madison, walking a
pip-squeak dog no bigger
than a bug. Another time,
here comes Mr. Swoosh
himself (surprise!) Tom
Selleck, right across
from St. Bart's up there
on Park Ave just after
Grand Central - he
looked, with some guy
in town on his arm, like
a Zorro type, cape,
clothes, the whole bit.
We'd just been sitting
there, up 10 stairs, on
the steps at Bart's. I
wondered what they'd
be taking about.
-
There were lots more
too, but my point is how
boring it comes down to,
having to witness all that.
It's all on a sliding scale
of Nothing, as I see it.
Then we die. Speaking of
which, you see that too -
cars running people down;
bicyclists, and pedestrians.
Crime scenes and slayings.
If you're lucky, you're out
of the way - if not, you
become one of those
randomly slain people
hit by a stray bullet.
Now there's fame for
you! And maybe Weegee
got your picture.
-
One time when I was about
10, maybe, I went with some
group, forgotten now, Boy
Scouts, the Parade Band
group I was in, baseball
league, one of them; we
went to the circus,
somewhere, and I can
remember coming home
with this giant brass ring.
Like about the size, maybe,
of a lollipop, when you
first get started on it. The
guy who gave it to me was
supposedly the Giant of
the land, a big doofus
type, and this (he said)
was one of his rings. I
didn't believe him for
one minute - less then
even if he'd said his mother
never had kids - and
he said his name was
Jack Palance. It meant
nothing to me either, but
he said 'go home and
tell your parents, they'll
know.' So, I told my
mother, and she laughed.
'You saw Jack Palance?
In the circus? As a giant?'
It was big fun to her and
God only knows what
she thought about that
ring. As for me? All
these years later, I try
finding out what went on.
Jack Palance was, at some
early point, in a movie
called 'The Greatest Show
On Earth.' Maybe he there
portrayed a circus guy? And
this was role-playing of
some sort? I saw him once,
making fun with Billy
Crystal, at some Oscar's
presentation. Crystal is
short, so Palance appeared
bigger, but not giant. I
remember he belittled, in
some way, Billy Crystal
or his size. I can recall,
'Hell, I shit bigger than
you are.' It was pretty
gross. And I've never
gotten to the bottom of
any of it. Celebrities?
Who needs 'em?
No comments:
Post a Comment