Wednesday, November 7, 2018

11,301. RUDIMENTS, pt. 495

RUDIMENTS, pt. 495
(montclair)
I met Rairliebourne one other
time, about 1982, or at least I
think it was him. In Montclair,
NJ, we were sitting at some
lame diner, just sitting there
having lunch; my son was with
us too, about 12 then. He was
down the other end of the counter,
about 6 seats off. It was the
second of January, as I recall,
right after New Year's junk and
all that. He comes over (no
recognition, I don't swear it
was him but it was; he was
playing some incognito game
with my consciousness; intuitively
that's the sort of junk one feels
but cannot prove. It happens).
He slides over to a stool by us
and starts asking questions,
working first through my kid,
and eventually making it to me.
The takeaway was that this was
to be an very 'auspicious' year 
for me, quite special, that he
sensed me to be an exceptional
person, one with purpose and
a meaning, and it was all soon
to begin turning. He spoke of
momentum and drive as if it
were to be almost an automatic
thing now, from that point,
as once time and purpose 
conjoin and the entire process
begins it is unstoppable and
directed. He was really nice
about it. He even gave my son
a quarter for the new year.
And then, like that, he was
gone. The quarter wasn't 
glowing. The place where
he'd been sitting was clean,
and the sudden silence was
overwhelming. Montclair, I
should point out, at this time
was still a dung-heap of a
place, pretty much. The main
road was the downtown. It
was a secondary highway
really, with lights, that cut
the place in two, with, up the
road a bit, a gigantic old rail
depot and station that was
then mostly relic. Now it's all
fancy and shops, and shiny 
people park all their funny
Lexus, and the like, vehicles.
The fancy 'Plaza' section, or
'Commons' had not yet been
built  -  that's now filled with 
futzy, gay shops, small eateries, 
coffee pits and the rest of 
that stuff. Anyway, the fellow
had nothing to do with any
of that, and neither did we.
We were operating timelessly,
almost illusory; the entire
schema. Had there been 
flowers on the countertop
at that point, in a vase, they
would have frozen, and been
suddenly coated in a block 
of ice, and as he left, the
frozen, dead, petals would
have fallen off, one at a time,
making their ice-tap noise
on the counter. That's how
it happens. Some people
are not just presences; they
are also tunnels, through 
which other forces come, 
and go.
-
The reason we were in 
Montclair was twofold. It
was not, otherwise, a place
we'd ever frequent, then. 
The ostensible 'college' 
they claimed for themselves 
'Montclair State' was a 
ghetto joke, more like just
repeating 12th grade once
or twice over again. Now
it's a university, somehow.
Claim to fame : Yogi Berra?
In town, oddly enough,
there was a Rolls Royce
dealership. In the early 80's
that was a pretty big deal.
It was a remnant of some 
older, 1930's glory, when 
this Newark and New York 
suburb had some class, or
class enough for commuting
bankers and stockbrokers, 
and maybe some manufacturing
honchos, who kept the estates
and mansions out here, between
Montclair and West Orange 
anyway. As in any for of the
usual Jersey shit-hole rankness,
by the 1960's it all had been
allowed to fester and die. 
Ruination Park should have 
been the new name. The usual
sleazeball dick politics had
taken it all away from the
'people' (for whom we 
stand, remember?) and the
real estate and re-zoning deals
and payoffs only resulted in
apartments, ghetto strips of
black people and other low
class types taking over those
grand old homes, turned into
multi-family housing until they
crumbled (both the houses and
the families too). The rest of
the bums just got subsidized
and dumped into these horrid
apartment places, with the
local politics types taking the
deal-money and the pay-offs
for re-zoning, sewers and
building contracts (into which 
they each were cut). 'Let it all
fall to Hell, we've got our
money.' (That's how they 
open council meetings, I've
noticed; even in Woodbridge).
It's pretty cool, really if 
you're a crook, because you
make money, at one end, on 
the downslide from all the
stuff rotting away with pigs
living inside and paying
for it, and then on the upside
too, with all the replacement
stuff that gets built while you're
on the take as well.
-
I've seen all that crap a 
hundred times, in my early
printing career at New Jersey
Apellate. I'd see, and get to
read, all those briefs and
appeals and transcripts of
all sorts of crooks and 
dodgers who'd fallen off 
the municipal greasepoles 
and gotten bagged. All
of a sudden, in their little
whimpering, bullshit 
testimonies, they were 
saints, doing only good,
and seeking God behind 
the municipal flagpole.
They should all rot in Hell.
-
Back to this, the reason we
were there was for a bookstore
visit and a cigar store stop.
There was, at this, time, in
the old style of things, a 
massive, sloppy, dripping 
with words, old used-book 
store  -  it was rambling, fat
with books, crazy, and grand.
I forget the name, and I forget
the operation, but I know the
spot. In addition to that, my
wife's father's birthday was like
Jan. 6 or something, and there
was a cigar shop around there
that we were buying gift cigars
from, for his birthday. (Too bad,
actually, his whole intense habit
of cigar-smoking. Lung cancer
killed him by about 2005). But,
no matter. That's how we got
it all together, and how this
flowing, ethereal Fishbeine
apparition had returned, I 
never knew. Once again, 
nothing came from it; he 
was full of crap, round two.
-
That whole area had been
serious native lands, once.
It's a geography, with places
called Great Notch and
Little Notch, and all the
usual Valley Roads and
this or that  -   the real 
geographic and topographic
names  -  not like now where
developers name their new
streets after their kids and
you wind up living on 
Wendy Way. Whoever 
wiped all that reference 
and reverence from the
Jersey maps should have
been soiled and shot. All
those places, the notches 
and the valleys, are all rail
lines now or paved roadways
to somewhere. Everything's
been played with and we live
in the final aftermath.
-
I could talk about this stuff
all day long. Coming from a
double line of killers, (see
previous chapter), I need to
remain restrained from taking
the truer actions of my soul.
So I just use words : it's been
a tough burden of a life to live,
for me, knowing all that. 
Bloodline stuff doesn't often
lie; it just eventually bubbles
up somewhere. My plenitude,
and my bullets, have been 
words. Thankfully, I guess.
-
This much for Rairlebourne :
He had said, 'The only prison
is the prison of your mind.'










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