RUDIMENTS, pt. 500
(the wrench and the ballerina)
Part of the problem with
everything, for me, has
always been that it's
everything. (Man, what
sort of writerly premise
is that and what a way
to start - part of the
problem is everything)?
In the same way they
say that an ape, in front
of a typewriter, typing
forever, could eventually
come up with Shakespeare,
(that's not what they say,
but I just said it), so the
idea is put forward that
life is, eventually, nothing
more than chance. An
endeavor, in the dark,
by the blind. What sort
of outlook is that? It
bears about as much
relationship to anything
as did Jack Kennedy
putting his name on the
cover of Profiles In
Courage - written for
him by Ted Sorenson.
That's chance. Sure
it is. I read that book
in the seminary - a
bunch of rubbish, the
kind of 1958 rubbish
that passed for a political
statement back then. Like
My Six Crises, by Richard
Nixon. All the same. The
political types today are
even worse because they
attempt non-fiction, but
about themselves and 4
inches thick too. And
who the heck cares
anyway about what
they have for breakfast?
Everything's out of control
and faraway gone.
-
I read a lot of stuff, and I
write a lot too (that's a
confession), and it all
brings me back, each time,
to another fresh start. That's
a good thing - I hate all
these bums who go around
sulking how they're written
out, have lost their muse,
can't get an idea, cannot
now finish a thing, get
distracted, lost it all, are
shot. Such drivel, from
the mouths of veterans,
you'll never hear. I've
always disliked the way
'professionals' repudiate
their pasts. Repudiation is,
otherwise, a great thing,
but these people, as pros,
fake it - the vapid rock
star, attempting to get new
buyers for his drivel, will
without a doubt assail his
old or previous work, and
say the new is much better,
he or she now writes from a
much better place, his past
was tainted, etc. Blah blah.
So too with authors, poets,
and the like. 'I am so much
better now, much advanced
from all that previous work.
You must see the new...'
Well, then, if I really MUST
see it, fork it over for free
and then you can tell me
how it is, in what ways,
better than that past you
so obligingly do away
with now. It's all some
sort of a creator's curse.
As if God, done with
Adam and Eve, and the
rest of humanity, and
then with Noah's bunch
too, thunders from on
high: 'See my NEW
products! So much
better!' How many
times is 'reset' pressed?
-
The true crumminess
of our community, the
source of its morbidity
and torpor, is an adherence
to the deforming systems
of belief and behavior.
It's that which keeps
Humankind in bondage
still. A fear of freedom
and excess and the body
is what has brought us
to this sick divide, where
we now cannot even
address the complexities
of experience for fear
of being pegged as the
enemy, the one at fault,
the transgressor. Yes,
even I repudiate, but
not my work. I repudiate
the modern world: the
squalor, servitude, and
paralysis of it. The new
and now profound
degeneracy of this era
must be addressed
directly, analysed
and explained, for it
is Death, already death.
That's probably the only
reason that should be
now for anything;
certainly for repudiation.
This mass death must
somehow be stopped.
-
Mostly, you can't believe
what people used to get
away with - passing off
their stuff only as writing
and all. It's just as bad
now, and maybe worse,
but in the sense of being
kind I'll include myself
in this list of bad crap -
since I know someone
will eventually just be
doing it for me anyway.
I don't care; and, I really
don't, because the show
goes on whether or not
Judd McFarland likes it
or not. The really good
thing about it all is that at
least now all the barriers
have been broken. Most
of that old crud has been
jettisoned and a modern
day has been dawned.
(Passively sensed here).
If you don't believe me
- it's probably because
you don't WANT to
believe me - go read
Jude the Obscure, Lord
Jim, The Sun Also Rises,
and other titles too, in
the same mode of making
my point - all that stuff
is out the window now.
The world-view that a
person gets to have,
and live with, now is
so fragmented and
multi-dimensional
that all those old rules
and outlooks are at
least gone. Linearity
and plain old logic
have taken a hit. It's
as if, now, everyone is
madly drunk, and at a
drunken party too, and
the heavy drugs, as well,
are about to be dispensed.
Whew! Who knew?
-
Back in Avenel, I used
to be having troubles with
finding things to read. I
got by, but a lot of it was
really hit and miss, based
on school, until I got out
of there and into other
schools. Where things
mattered differently and
had different weights. The
sliding butcher scales of
Avenel were all skewed,
or some butcher finger
was on them somewhere,
adding weight to fluff.
Nothing good ever comes
of that; and once you
find that out you end
up really disliking
the butcher and never
going back. At the same
time, I've found, you
can't 'fight' conflict,
it has to be embraced
and worked with. It's
raw material, and there's
always a balance -
of some sort, and
somewhere. I am by
this reminded,
symbolically, of a
local scene around
here, on what we call
St. George Avenue :
by the pizza place
and the ice cream
place, there's an auto
battery shop - cars and
generators, alternators
and repairs - the tough
stuff. Guys scrounging
around for this or that.
And, upstairs, above it,
is a ballet studio. I often,
in passing it, see futzy
mothers and their
ballerinas exiting or
entering the doorway
to get upstairs. The
most delicate balance
there is, coexisting.
Like strange ships in
the doomed night, the
guys with wrenches let
pass the girls in their
slippers and raiment,
as, all the while, the
normal traffic
barrels past.
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