Tuesday, June 29, 2021

13,678. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,188

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,188
(as an echo, in a distant canyon)
It's always baffled me how
people will believe any fantasy -
ungrounded and fantastic, yes -
but turn their face away from
any pure reality at all. It can be
staring them right in the face,
but if their upbringing and all
the old strictures have instructed
them differently, they stick by
those. It goes on and on, a
million times: Enoch, Genesis,
Bible, Physics, Archaeology,
Ezekiel, Lamentations, etc.
So much, I suppose, for 
everything else too  - Truth, 
Justice, and the 'American'
way. Dream on, Alice.
-
The bitter end of Sumer and the
other great urban centers is described
in numerous Lamentations texts;
[I mean, people, it is ALL there
for you]. Long poems that bewail
the demise of Ur, Nippur, Uruk,
Eridu, and the other famed lands
and less famed cities of Biblical
lore. Typical of the calamities
that befell the once prosperous
and prosperous land are those 
listed in the 'Lamentation over
the Destruction of Ur,' a long
poem of some 440 verses, of
which here are a few: 'The city
into ruins was made, the people
groan. Its people, not potsherds,
filled its ravines...its lofty gates,
where they were wont to promenade;
dead bodies lay about. Where the
festivities of the land took place,
the people lay in heaps. The young
were lying in their mothers' laps
like fish carried out of the waters.
The counsel of the land was dissipated.
In the storehouses that abounded in
the land, fires were kindled, the ox
in the stable has not been attended
and gone is its herdsman. The sheep
in its fold has not been attended, and
gone is its shepherd boy. In the rivers
of the city, dust has gathered. Fox dens
they have become and in the city's
fields there is no grain. Gone is the 
fieldworker, as the palm groves and
the vineyards with honey and wine
abounded, now bring forth but only
mountain thorns. Precious metals
and stones, lapis lazuli, have been
scattered about. The temple of Ur
has been given over to the wind. The
song has been turned into weeping,
and Ur has been given over to tears.
What the lamentation texts deal with
is the is NOT the successive but 
separate destruction of Sumer's 
cities by invaders from the west,
east, and north  - as today's flaccid
scholars suggest - but the one, single,
countrywide calamity that was an
unusual catastrophe and a sudden
disaster against which no protection,
no defense, no hiding, was possible.
(This view, as well, of a single and
over-riding catastrophe, is, by the 
way, now increasingly accepted by 
scholars). 'Man' does not live by
faith alone!' That calamity was 
linked to the 'upheavaling' of the
'evil cities' and the spaceport in 
the west. It was the unexpected
development of an atmospheric
vacuum that created an immense
whirlwind and a storm that carried
the radioactive cloud eastward,
to wards Sumer. (When first
civilization dies out).
-
It all seems quite clear to me,
and I can never understand  -  as
I mentioned  - why people have
so little belief, except as allegories
and 'parables' for what their own
sacred books profess. I won't go
on about it here except to affirm
that I have this knowledge, it is
from afar, and it has been given
to me and runs through me, as a
reckoning force and my own 
creative vein; which I mine 
constantly. We  -  and our world  -
are the offspring of alien beings,
conveniently disguised now as
myths, legends and Gods. There
have been three over-turnings,
of which Biblical legends only
partially and unclearly see and
tell. Before these, first, were the
more ancient and ore clear 
renderings  -  The Vedas, the
Gilgamesh tales, the Obliteration,
the Erra epic. I simply cannot
understand why people ignore all
this and, instead, take some odd
offense from the fact that all of
their practices and civilizations
and histories have come from
travelers from afar. Life, my dear
friends, is not at all what it has
been made out to be.
-
This all began for me one day, long
ago, in a time of hazy recognition
as my spiritual self was re-entering
some damaged physical self after
spending a goodly period of time
in a coma  -  from being struck by
a train. I can tell you more, but
my pages are already tired, and
the faint ink grows only moreso
as it lingers. As an echo, in a
distant cavern. All I ask is that
you hear me out. The prevailing
fact is that we are a secondary race,
in our third go-round. We have
destroyed twice by our own 'Gods'
who had created us as slaves to
mine their gold and silvers, learn
their needed metallurgy, and work
for them. Their various returns
and comings and goings, and
all the now-distorted tales of
their beings and presences and
'adventures' have, over millenia,
twisted them into physical and
then not physical attributions to be
both feared and worshipped. They 
travelled our skies in the various
spacecraft, and passed by and
from us often. Living and breeding
among us. And, in nuclear devastations
and floods, they have destroyed us,
twice already and a third coming.
-
You may worship what you will,
but be careful what you wish for.
Read it and weep. 






13,677. WHEN THE MOOSE

WHEN THE MOOSE
When the moose come down from their
highlands, I'll be watching for that  - slow
movement, gaining speed. Like a boulder
that suddenly breaks for the landslide it
initiates.
-
Thoughts have tendencies like that too,
and I wonder what I shall do if that ever
happens around me. Will people everywhere
scatter or join into a mass? That mental
landslide could be quite the site to see.
-
Outside the ice-cream-land-title-office,
a knot gathers where the ice-cream
stand opens.

13,676. WHEN THE EARTH

WHEN THE EARTH
When the Earth went down for
its final count, I was nowhere to
be found. The human is a disdainful
creature, despoiling lakes and trees
for temporary gain. 
-
If dollars had tongues, they'd be
five-miles long and yapping.

Monday, June 28, 2021

13,675. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,187

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,187
(tracing pictures with a broken finger)
So where was I and what 
was I doing? Much of my time,
as I see back to it now, was spent
oblivious to any crises and removed
from any real engagement with the
factualities of life. In most respects,
I was an 18-year old runaway. I'd
torn myself apart from any connections
which, at this time of life, hold most
people to their lives. Late-teen sex,
which is usually a ravishment for 
most people, meant little to me; it 
was everywhere, and it was boring.
Like the infrastructure of some
crazy city it was there, but not
often surfacing  -  pipes and junctions,
connections and relays, switches and
flows; whatever a 'college' connection 
is called, I had completely blown it off.
That sort of learning seemed to me to
be for the usual idiots who balance
their present against the promised
hopes of a 'future' they've bought 
into. Who needed 'book learning'
when all it ever amounted to were
channels and conduits of accepted
thought into which one was then
supposed to fit the accepted ideas of
learning, family, house, and society,
so as to be an accepted member
of the fold? No thanks. People were
living too fast, and dying that way
as well. Drugs, overdoses, and even
murder, had become the norm of the
day  -  all of 11th street reeked of 
trouble, and I'd seen more vagina
and tits, in six months, than I'd ever
care to tell about. It was all so stupid.
-
In retrospect, now, I'm still bored, but
bored by the idea of memory itself.
How many of those people are now 
dead, I don't know. It all reminded
me of those memorials and death 
markers you'd see along the mountain 
passes and roads of South and Central 
America; where the entire Jesus thing 
was still quite revered and entire
chapels were built at crash sites. 
Markers where someone had died; 
cars running off the road or over the
cliff. Now, the same thing happens 
often; local highways marked with 
flowers and signs, dates and photos 
where a highway worked had been 
killed by a truck, or some lame 
dude or dudette had crashed, 
leaving the roadway and barreling 
thorough or into some collection 
of trees. They get a marker, and 
a photo and dates, and a mention. 
I haven't seen a chapel or a shrine 
yet, but I'm sure that's coming.
The problem, in this society, is
what's left out  -  the highway worker
was probably making 42 dollars an
hour, benefits built in, to drop cones
and markers for the pavers, and the
crash victims were most likely to
have been alcohol-fueled. None of it
natters anymore; the aspect of the
peasantry, with roadside reverence
for God and fate, is gone. it's all
now just Bullshit for the taking.
-
What sort of world has it all turned 
out to be? Certainly a messy one.
Most messy indeed. No one can
defend what they're doing, because 
a proper defense takes a certain 
modicum of intelligence, and 
that's left town already on last 
month's final bus  -  along the
mountain pass we shudder to
think about. 'Dangerous Curves
Ahead.' Have you ever thought
what you're going to be doing
when the final anarchy comes? 
When you are forced to accept the
words and conclusions of freaking
morons, at knifepoint? No, I daresay
you haven't  -  and if you have I'd
proclaim that you already be at the
hustings with the bullet and the
barrel. Safety off.
-
One time, when I was in New York
with my nefarious 'roommate' friend
Andy, he took me up to e61st street  - 
for one of his 'business' deals, which 
mostly included the passing off of
monies for another supply of 'raw
material.' There was a fancy Jewish
guy behind an enormous desk. His
'secretary' brought us Cokes on a tray;
the hospitality was perfect, or at least
good enough for me, who'd never seen
any of this before. The guy talked like
he had a seat on the Nirvana Stock
Exchange and treasured it. Hippie kids,
over in the park and down our way,
at the lower eastside, were sprawled
everywhere and just waiting for the
crap he peddled. Andy (the roommate)
knew all this and he also knew how to
turn it his way  - into money, sex, and
connections. I was just a local bum,
along for the ride, and assumed to have
been just another of his 'consumers' of
product. The dumb Jewboy behind the
desk cared little either way  - he could
have been a  porno-producing faux-movie
asshole, or some stock-market genius
ready for his big break. I neither knew
or cared. I just stared and wondered.
My other friend, Jeff, was in the
rock-record business, of sorts. When
he spoke it was the same way. I really
hate to keep harping on the Jewish aspect,
but everywhere I turned, within these 
'industries' that's what kept turning up. 
Jeff's father had had some peripheral 
connection to the up-and-coming
industry of rock n' roll, and Jeff's
stories were of these same sorts of
meeting  - record-industry moguls,
on the NY side, not LA, meeting with
Bob Dylan, who was devised by
description as some un-cooperative,
weird character who sat on the floor
in the rear of these meeting, against
the wall, and interacted with no one
at all except in weird and eccentric
grunts and asides. My mind reeled at
all I was seeing. Drugs again? Money?
Music? Hippies as a 'market'? What
the hell was really going on?
-
I tried resting; just turning off and 
removing my presence. yes...I had to
eat and get by. No one understood my
words, and anything I said was viewed
skeptically; but I neither cared or
noticed. I was in a time-warp of 
essence that I was not yet sure of; 
hearing weird noises off-stage; 
tracing pictures with a very 
broken finger.



13,674. MOB SCENE IN MALATANGA

MOB SCENE IN MALATANGA
(independence day, alone)
Candy wrappers and tee shirts and sneakers,
flying around as in an African country of
thirty years back : the hordes on the streets
are yelling. Some without arms, or other
limbs. Slaughter on tenth Avenue has
nothing on this. 
-
The dress stores are being looted; glass
breaks in shards, as I watch it pierce one
kid's foul head. What passes for police
are criminals too; everything not moving
stands idly by.

13,673. 'AMONG THE COGNOSCENTI'

'AMONG THE COGNOSCENTI'
As if those in the know were those
in the know, we walk along listening
to others. never knowing we've been
taken over. The jackals of aversion
keep trying, but we never listen, nor
heed their commands.
-
Two places to put things: the right
or the wrong. The cognoscenti are
weak while I remain strong.

Sunday, June 27, 2021

13,672. SAVED BY SELF, AGAIN!

SAVED BY SELF, AGAIN!
You have to count them down running
backwards by the days. Nature abhors 
the vacuum you create; yet they say
it's alright to be that way : Lime Rock
and the race track of old; ideas of new
philosophy and other fearsome plans
of those in books and courses.
-
The new light is in the canyon? A more
bright green than I've seen before, but
this time of year is always scary for me,
and everything begins to fade already.
What can be said that hasn't?
-
'Heinrich, there's an errant deer in the
roadway below? Do you think it will
be OK?' And then as soon as I looked
to see it, it was gone, running off faintly
along the greenery's edge. Saved again!

Saturday, June 26, 2021

13,671. I CALLED A CAB

I CALLED A CAB
It all looked like the shell
of an Osterkander Candy,
but it tasted better wicked
that that. I called a cab from 
the call box cabin but all I 
got was a raincoat delivered.
The voice on the other end of
the line finally said I'd be
noticing some changes since 
they had altered their operation.
I agreed to that and said it was
OK, and hung up. Three drawings
were sent instead of a cab. Yet,
in good stead the raincoat was
keeping me dry in the driving 
rain  -  which was soaking
the rest of the callbox. All
the same, everything was
as good as ever before.

13,670. TOO MANY ONE-TIME DOUBLES

TOO MANY ONE-TIME DOUBLES
It's been said that Christ Church has
nothing to do with either. And that's
most probably true, though the one
in Philadelphia I was always partial
to  -  the one where Benjamin Franklin
is buried, only around a corner from
Betsey Ross's house. It was something
about that connection kept me happy,
and often returning. I remember I took 
my dog there too, often enough, just
to walk the peace and the cobbles.
-
She's dead now, that dog, but the 
memory lingers on  -  like Franklin's 
grave, which, in deep Summer is 
mostly a pile of pennies, nickels, 
dimes, and quarters, thrown mostly
by those inquisitive, touristy, types
who do things like that. Secular
or religious, I never quite know
their meaning or intent. It's a fair
mix of everything, I suppose. But, 
like the old saying goes, don't pay
the ferryman until he gets you to
the other side.

13,669. NICKLEODEAN JUKEBOX

NICKLEODEAN JUKEBOX
One chapter of this mind is history,
and another comprises all possible
things. How do you explain that
to a child? Their 'impossible' items
are simply toys that won't fit together;
and what else anyway do they know,
or need too? Teach instead the horizon
of blue, the gurgling stream, or the
new leaf breaking through its sheath,
as new as sunlight on a Summer's day.

13,668. FROSTING ON WHAT CAKE?

FROSTING ON WHAT CAKE?
I never rode on the way-back machine
but the things I surmised turned out 
better than that and more fruitful for
me. Like the guy who invented
whipped butter, I went happily
along my way seeking a better 
bread to ladle it upon?
-
I never really knew storm clouds
coming  -  until they actually arrived
and brought the storm. So, in essence,
they never came along? Always seeming
to be awake, I watched a thousand nights
go by, one piquant episode of time after
another, and then begin again : Divide
my life into chapters, you may. I've
always read Forwards and Introductions.
Afterwards cause me dismay.




Thursday, June 24, 2021

13,667. ONLY ON

ONLY ON 
Only on my trapezoidal farm
were things like this to happen.
And though we hoped an end
was near, it al seemed endless
and running: A church of rumors
on the whitened hilltop, and  a
general run for the chickens and
hens. Barnyards for the taking.
-
I slaved for everything I've ever
owned, and now looking back I'm
amazed at both how little I knew 
and how little I wanted. I just
let people talk; and whatever I
was told, I simply took for 
granted. Freddie Fox. Earl 
Grant. And Joe Ziccardi too.

13,666. JUST A SILLY BUNCH OF NUMBERS

 JUST A SILLY BUNCH 
OF NUMBERS
What we are : miles to the moon and sun,
depth-fields of the lakes and oceans, speeds
by which we disintegrate or wither or die.
Anything and everything, both wicked or
mild. I cannot speak for you, but my heart
is already broken. And it happened quickly.
-
I walk in marsh-fields that can lead me to
Mars : or any other of the distant places
of dreams' originations. Toil and sweat 
and bondage and trouble; delight in the
edges, or joy in the muddle.
-
Nothing comes forth from nothing, which
sounds fine in 'physic'al terms but which
leads me to ask, 'Is it all at once, do we
get it fast, or does it come in pieces, and
how does it last?'

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

13,665. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,186

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,186
(...got out...)
One of the things that irk me 
the most is the manner by which
the Volksmob of today has gone
about viewing and re-judging the
past by the light of the present.
It reeks of a broad-based brush
paining a very flat picture -  and  -
inasmuch as it in the end results
in the usual pathetic fallacy, the
completed picture is wrong and
probably fades just as quickly
by the light of tomorrow's day.
But people are too ignorant to
realize this and they go ahead
willingly wearing the foolscap
of erroneous logic.
-
For myself, it's nerve-wracking,
and distracting as well. I keep
well away from it from the same
angle as I would if the mob was
disclaiming cave-people because
they hadn't used forks. There's a
sound basis  -  fact is  -  to everything,
and that basis is constantly under
the effects of change and process;
it should not, in turn, be under the
process of interdiction or dismissal,
or condemnation, for that matter.
One of the happiest facets of my
time in 'old' NYC,' beginning in
1967, was the fact that I was able
to successfully encamp in the midst
of a very changing world, in places
where that 'change' had not yet
really arrived nor altered the fabric.
I lived among silent and very singular
craftspeople, old-style makers of
things, machinists, mechanics, crooks
and slanderers  -  and none of that had
yet been condemned by the present.
The New York City of that day, yes, 
was under assault  -  like everything
else  -  but managed to withstand the
atrocious pressures of straightening
itself up of, as Lillian Hellman put it,
'cutting my fabric to fit the present
day.' As she said she would NOT do,
so did the working silence and the
hard-scrapple of old New York say
the same. Without saying it. The war
in Vietnam was raging, notching up,
hordes of hippie-dippy kids began
rolling in as runaways, ridiculous
louts and potheads, seekers of sex,
joy and acid, in whatever order; the
politics of the day had fallen apart,
been tattered, to the point of having
lost meaning and effect except by
resistance and force, and yet, in the
nooks and crannies of the westside,
were still to be found the low denizens
of those who hid out and remained
aloof to all of this.
-
If I was to tell you or try to describe to
you what then existed, you would be
incredulous and probably I would have
difficulty in getting it across to you
anyway. When that large fell-swoop
of newbies descended, things changed.
In a few years, the change became
as abhorrent as the 11th street townhouse
being blown to smithereens by errant
bomb-makers. People suddenly crawled
the street intent on their polyglot and
amateurish advancements of weird
politics and even weirder social
commitments and behaviors. In the
same manner that a flood is a river
out of control, suddenly all else was
engulfed. Unglued? Perhaps too.
-
In any case, much of it bore the
informal earmarks of a psychological
Civil War in which the survivors, as
they were, were left stupefied and
stunned, and the participants were
insane. I'll leave the next few years
to R. D Laing to explain; not my
current concern. Or as Barack Obama
once said, 'That's above my pay grade...'
Something like that. Point is, the very
fabric of what we lived (still, in the
most paltry sense, calling ourselves 
and it 'American') was gradually
transformed  -  even as 58,000 dead
soldiers were fighting to proclaim it
alive, and defend it somehow. It was
as if a person begins running faster
only as they realize their laces have
become untied.
-
I was there, among the smoldering
infrastructure, not sure of either self
of sanity, nor of others. The world had
blinked off, and, upon blinking back 
on, had gone mad. A mere 100 years
before that, in something of the same
way, the undoing of Reconstruction
tore things up  -  proclamations of
amnesty and pardons going nowhere, 
smoke still in the streets, the 'existing'
state of rebellion supposedly over, or
proclaimed to be so. Now, it was to be
more 'Self-Reconstruction' as again the
nation stumbled and tried picking
itself back up. The problem was, all
of advertising and all of the commercial
world, said that none of that could be
done 'singly' and that only by a mass
could it be achieved  -  of course, by
them alone stating and defining that
'mass' by which their own profit and
products would be sustained. It seemed
to me no wonder that the world was
garbage : polluted and noxious at every
turn, factories lining riverbanks, their
stacks and run-offs belching and
polluting., land and forests despoiled
and debauched, cemeteries ignored 
and all ideas of prudence and decorum 
removed. It became a hateful time.
-
A faint voice told me there was to be
nothing left. In my self-addicted 
confessional, I had maimed and murdered 
too, and I felt all those crimes were
upon me now, like the mark of Cain.
Even in my invisibility, I felt vulnerable
and porous and, yes, still quite and too
mush, visible as all get out. Which is
what I eventually did: got out!



13,664. I WANT TO TELL YOU

I WANT TO TELL YOU 
Any number of things come to mind:
that stippled graveyard on the edge
of the hill mostly bears names from
the post-Civil War. I don't know why,
yet there's probably more to that story
then meets my eye. A local contingent,
maybe, all rounded up dead and brought
home. There's a book about that too,
called 'This Republic of Suffering' -
by Drew Gilpin Faust.
-
Over by the wooded lands, there are
12 vehicles, just left in the weeds,
about 30 years back, I guess. 1960's
cars, mostly, now all gone to hell. In
them, now, can be found the assorted
tendrils and growths of all that time,
repeating itself each season of growth
and of the cold spate of death that
ensues. Things come back; nothing 
moves. It seems like that, everywhere.
-
There's a difference between these two
sets  -  of time and of era. Yet, they
each achieve the very same thing  -
making me think of life's movement.
A feint, perhaps? A false move, like
a bull-fighter makes to outclass the
bull. Soon to die. Soon to be labeled.
Dead.

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

13,663. SAINTS

SAINTS
I saw a picture, a photograph;
The life of the mind is intrepid.
But who wants to be depressed?
Charlotte Bronte? Thomas Hardy?
It makes me think of actual doors,
with knobs and hinges, maybe even
a sight-glass, like some used to
have. Nothing's official, no, but
nothing's degrading either. 

13,662. UNTRAINED METAPHORS

UNTRAINED METAPHORS
They run wild; they make mice into
men. Niagara Falls is overdone.
Herewith the tutor learns : There
is nothing to impart.

Monday, June 21, 2021

13,661. RICHARDSON, THE TANKARDS ARE FULL

RICHARDSON, THE 
TANKARDS ARE FULL
So now what do we do? There's water enough
for the rest of the world, but people like other
things too : Alcama's Sweets and Candies; The
Royal Grenadier Wines & Liquors. I'd never
know, but things like that suffice.
-
Here, it's another world somehow. And I
really do listen to what people say:  "The
settlers came in the early early nineteenth
century on foot or by horse and wagon. Later
on they took stagecoaches. When the O&W
Railroad - The New York Ontario & Western -
came through in the 1870's and built a series
of creameries and transported milk to New
York City, the center part of Sullivan County
opened up."
Almost as simple as all get-out. The men, who 
were farmers, would leave their wives and 
kids there on the farm for the winter. They'd go
to the city, and take a job  -  any job that was
available  -  and come back whenever they 
could. Sometimes they were away for the whole
winter. In the summer they would return. The
lucky ones made contacts in the city and brought
people up to Summer in the country  -  a simple
room and board, meals (but you 'paid' for the
meat you ate), and work, or help work, the
farm. That's how all these resorts and rooming
houses first began. Mothers would move the 
children to outer housing, and the rest would
bunk wherever they could, with the main house,
most often, given over to boarders. That's
how they made a living, and got started  -
all these Grossingers and Neveles. What
later were grand resorts.
-
Nevele? That's eleven spelled backwards  -  
and that's how many initial investors there
were when the place finally went big-time.
Everything needs a name.




Sunday, June 20, 2021

13,660. CONTAGION

CONTAGION
Variations on normalcy tend
to cluster; everyone assumes
they are sane. Or at least the
sane ones around, of those they
know: an old dirigible passes
overhead, while no one looks
up. On the other hand, the jet
which overtakes that visual past
is just as crazy as anything else.
Now is just now, and then was
just then.
-
Purple flowers meander this June,
as the longest day awaits or gathers.
Perhaps a force unlike any other?


Saturday, June 19, 2021

13,659. RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,185

RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,185
(agree to disagree : a double lament)
My beloved dog, Sam, who 
had so much travel with us,
died about 10 months ago
already. It hardly seems like 
a day, and never a day goes 
by that I don't think of her or
put her into my current scene.
It was a very difficult moment 
for me, even as I saw it to be
approaching months before
it happened. Few believed the
fitful signs I was noticing, but
it was a death foretold; in dog
terms. And it sucked, and nothing
made it easier to deal with. The
parting was hasty, and very 
painful for me. People said
'Get another one, right away,'
and things of that nature. But
I felt it would have been a
betrayal of our memory. Now,
these months later, I realize I
don't wish another dog; she was
the only one I'd care to have dealt
with, and I did  -  for a long and
happy time. Dogs' lives are unfair,
and the time span of their days,
not in conjunction with ours in
terms of span and longevity, is
a lousy bargain. I find myself now
at the stage of not even 'liking' dogs
that much any longer  -  all those
problems, pills, vet visits, fleas,
ticks, skin bumps, anxiety, and all
the rest. In the end, too, the plain
old expense is impractical and 
heavy. So, I guess it can be said,
I've moved on -   that one-time
niche has been filled and repaired.
Dentistry should be so easy?
-
The human heart  -  it seems  -  
always has a great, growling
yearning for something only it
sees and which can only partially
be relayed to others. It's a solitary
enclave of self-understanding. Which
is probably why, in fact, I find myself
here on these pages, dropping all
this glorious self-drivel and notation
to no one really except myself. If
'Readers' get a kick from this, I feel
honored, but I'd be doing it anyway.
I had a friend, Aleck, dead now, who
was always berating my vanity and
self-absorption, as he saw it. I did
not ever see it that way, and basically
pushed back at his mostly foul rudeness
at every chance. Fortunately, a continent
separated us, or I'd have bopped him
good once or twice. And once or twice
I was ready to board a plane west to
find out what was really at any of his
expensive and exclusive addresses,
famous friends, and high-finance
stature. His defenses of himself were
always facetious and mostly ended
up malicious, seemingly based on an
oddly concocted lack of, or surfeit of,
medication. I could, frankly, never
figure it out : one day it was his yacht,
another day his America's Cup
participation; the next day it was him
with Martin Sheen, or some famous
chef, from whom he dined, expensively,
each day; or his barber-to-the-stars,
with whom he was best friends and
who groomed all the famous folk he 
knew. He'd made millions in the
movie and finance industries, worked
with Saudi Arabia in solving the
world's financial problems; he had The
New York Times paying him princely
sums in this last election (Trump/Biden)
for perfect polling data and trend-based
opinions turns and popular moods. The
list, believe me, was never-ending. To
him, my life and habits, attitudes and
ways of living were a dead-man's black
hole. I was useless, knew nothing, spoke
only blather. I guess we were equals?
Anger, fortunately, recedes. His claims
of riches and fame in California, as I 
figured, have all fallen flat since his 
death. But, you know, much in the 
same manner of dog, I miss him; 
the going and the getting; those 
oddball tiffs and faux adventure 
tales. The froth and the fun - and
we had both. Cars, yachts, suits,
tailored shirts and slacks, and
exquisitely manufactured fine
things. His last venture was of
telling me of his new-found perfection
and his aims of living to 'cent-an'  -
which was some form of saying 
100 years. Apparently his diet was
rich and heavy, and (in both respects
respects here I pay). He was running
three miles a day, he claimed, and
sometimes twice a day. Alas, for all
that, I was notified that he dropped
dead on the street, where he fell,
during his daily walk. Whatever; no
more said, no more found. Matter
closed.
-
Matter closed? Though I droop at loss,
I revered the guy, and my dog as well.
What good is this crummy life anyway 
if joy and fantasy cannot commingle.
(Tell that to the late Hugh Hefner, I 
guess, or to any one of those million
L.A. porno geniuses). There are at
least a million ways of satisfying
oneself, and if the dream by fame
and riches, achieved without work
or attainment, so be it, The whole
world is a story anyway  -  good
chapters and bad. In my own case,
every other page is bad, torn, or
just a black smudge, though I'm
way used to that by now. I can't
speak for my late dog, for whom
the canine attainment of time on
Early was, a highly hope, one of
pleasure and comfort, and adventure
and joy. As for Big Al, alas, for
him I reach me hand, wishing for 
the last grasp we never had, that
moment to square things up, share
the better points, and maybe just
agree to disagree. Arf. Arf.