RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,225
(world growing down)
I learned a lot about my
own abstraction just by
being abstract. I'd always
supposed the train wreck
did it to me; getting run
down by a locomotive
isn't an everyday occurrence,
and it certainly had to have
some effect on my cognitive
abilities. Awakening from a
coma, as well, isn't exactly
ordinary - especially one
produced by the crooked
mash-up of bones, skull
and metal jamming together
for some weird romp of
blending. My own reservoir
now of memory and idea
most often contains some
bits and pieces of that
cosmic realigning which
I went through. I can't say,
though I've just said it.
-
Abstraction has led me to
many odd corners. Dealing
with people has always been
strange, understanding usual
concepts of give/take or profit
and loss, gain and value. When
a person values a landscape or
a pebble as much as others do a
Lexus or a treasured getaway, there's
not much to be accomplished
in the personal loss or gain
categories. Business and trade
have always sucked for me : I
can never tell the difference
between giving and selling.
You may think, or say, that
your 2 plus 2 equals 4, but
there's no such thing as a 2
and there's not even a 4. These
are all assumptions and the
false conclusions of the foolish
rational. The same logic that
presents you with the 2 and
the 4, and the idea of the 0,
for that matter, is the same
logic that by the aims of Lord
Shiva can destroy your world
with fire and flame. The other
entry point for the logical aim
of numeric order is the bomb
and fire and flame. Destruction,
to be more precise, which can
end up not being destruction
at all. Listen to your logics?
Go ahead. I dare you.
-
The opposite of Shiva is Vishnu.
Yes, it's that 'three' concept again,
of Trinity, along with Brahma.
We see it repeated here in our
own western religious games
of the Trinity, which - oddly
enough - was one of the names
for the Atomic Bomb Project's
first detonation: July 16, 1945
at 5:29am. From that point on,
all 0's surely became 1's. Now,
why did that happen? What's
actually concrete and real, and
what's abstract? My own life
has come out of a force-field
of energy which has fed me;
in a 2nd go-round, or not, I
never have known. I look at
a coma as a pause? Isn't that
a comma, as well?
-
I've winnowed and worn down
my old and battered life by now,
so that all concepts fade. I can't
exactly grasp anything, the
concepts I once knew are
outmoded and I reject the
new. I suppose that's my due
and everything past this point
is to be considered a bonus.
Well, I hope. But I've not laid
up any interest-bearing accounts
based on tht premise. A big
part of me is still inclined to
just call this life a 'Nothingness.
With an accidental purpose? Or
no purpose at all? With a design,
guide, and purpose by the Gods
or an Almighty (but one bearing
demands and needs for money
and tithes), but one as well
based on organizational and
real estate principles which
do nothing more than advance
the status quo, rational rank
and station - all in service to
a 'God' that, quite frankly, most
of the time seems no more than
a service-master for whom yet
some OTHER playwright has
simply penciled in 'Exit, stage
left.' It's all far too confusing
for my belittled brain.
-
Like dreams, very little now
stays with me, and, like a lost
and quickly retreating dream,
I so sorely do not want to lose
it; whatever the scenario or the
adventure may have been. Again,
dreamlike, I can walk amidst
memories of my own old NYC -
all those stately ecclesiastical
edifices with the power and
pomp of rites and rituals and,
most surprisingly, always, all
those rows of adherents; people
boldly proclaiming, attending,
giving, professing, and praying.
Did that old man really just
hang his crutch on the wall
and walk off, unaided?
-
I used to think what if, instead
of skyscrapers and huge, tall
buildings, the world grew
downward and not up? What
if all of it was some subterranean,
unseen, world of darkness?
Metaphorically I was not that
far-off from the psychological
dramas by which events and
people proceed along their
ways. Isn't that, really, why
people have dogs, and children,
and, in the reverse, parents?
What other basis for anything
can there be in this miserable
society where liars and cheats
and profligates rise to the top,
while the others - any creative
bent, any free-thinker, any
outsider of any way, shape,
or form, is heaved, belittled,
persecuted, eliminated, while
all the others willingly allow
their brains to be attacked by
pervasive societal cancers, rot,
and all those fantasies of
building 'up' and better and
higher and best.
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