8496. MY MADE-UP STORY

MY MADE-UP STORY

I've got John Frasee on the brain.

He was the world's wickedest baseball

card collector, who could tell whose

card it was just by the heft and the feel.

(He was blind). He'd handle the card,

and then give the answer  -  claiming he

got the answer because the card felt to

him like the weight of the bat the guy 

used, and the speed of his pitch. Then

he'd pick up his glass of soda and, by

sticking his tongue in the liquid, he'd

claim to get (always right too) the

guy's last season batting average, or,

for pitchers, his E.R.A. (earned run

average). Then if you wished, by 

giving him a coin from your pocket,

he claimed he could tell you the guy's 

on-base percentage by rubbing the coin

onto the card and listening to the sound 

it made. But first you'd have to turn off

everything else in your house (he'd be

visiting)  -  no noise, no vibration, no

phones or possible interruptions. Then

he'd ask to use the bathroom, but secretly

already knew where any money in your

house would be. He'd leave the room,

claiming to need the bathroom, steal all

you had, and leave through the back door

with any and all valuables. Once you

realized this, he'd be gone, and you'd 

attempt, quickly at that point, to get up

from your chair but find yourself roped

in place and tied by invisible shackles 

and rope. Then, with your key (which 

 you'd later realize was no longer in your

pocket), he'd have started the best of 

your cars, and madly driven off. You'd

be stumped, and your home-team would

lose the next four-games straight. It

never failed to work out that way.

And he was never blind after

all. Man, that John Frasee 
was something to see!