Wednesday, August 10, 2016


I've got John Frasee on the brain.
He was the world's wickedest baseball
card collector, who could tell whose
card it was just by the heft and the feel.
(He was blind). He'd handle the card,
and then give the answer  -  claiming he
got the answer because the card felt to
him like the weight of the bat the guy 
used, and the speed of his pitch. Then
he'd pick up his glass of soda and, by
sticking his tongue in the liquid, he'd
claim to get (always right too) the
guy's last season batting average, or,
for pitchers, his E.R.A. (earned run
average). Then if you wished, by 
giving him a coin from your pocket,
he claimed he could tell you the guy's 
on-base percentage by rubbing the coin
onto the card and listening to the sound 
it made. But first you'd have to turn off
everything else in your house (he'd be
visiting)  -  no noise, no vibration, no
phones or possible interruptions. Then
he'd ask to use the bathroom, but secretly
already knew where any money in your
house would be. He'd leave the room,
claiming to need the bathroom, steal all
you had, and leave through the back door
with any and all valuables. Once you
realized this, he'd be gone, and you'd 
attempt, quickly at that point, to get up
from your chair but find yourself roped
in place and tied by invisible shackles 
and rope. Then, with your key (which 
 you'd later realize was no longer in your
pocket), he'd have started the best of 
your cars, and madly driven off. You'd
be stumped, and your home-team would
lose the next four-games straight. It
never failed to work out that way.
And he was never blind after
all. Man, that John Frasee 
was something to see!

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