Thursday, April 21, 2016


I passed a sign today, as I went by
the Grace Reformed Church  - a
little red-brick structure along
Woodbridge Avenue out by
Edison, NJ  -  and I was struck
by what I read on the sign-board,
for Sunday's upcoming sermon.
To be by Rev. Somebody or Other,
whose name I didn't catch to recall.
The subject of the sermon seems
that it would be so outlandish, in
light of today's world, that no one
would, or could  -  at the risk of
sacrificing their church and
collection plate support - touch
this subject rightly. The title
of the sermon, as listed, reads,
'the Earth Is the Lord's.'
That's quite a title for some little
old preacher person to tackle,
especially in deep Springtime
like this now : everyone mowing
and cutting, trimming, spreading
poisons and killers and stuff on
their lawns. And that's only for
starters. If, in biblical terms, we
are upon this earth so as to
'husband' it (as in the word-use
of 'animal-husbandry'), which is,
by the way, the case, we should
be doing nothing of the sort  -
leveling woods, cutting trees by
the acre, killing weeds and bugs,
spraying toxins on foods and then
eating the food-plants themselves.
This leaves out the defoliation of
histories of napalm use, terror and
murder from the skies, military
uses of flame, bombs, poisons,
death and destruction  - which
ends up all actually getting
applauded and hero-ized. Yet,
here, this 5X5 preacher guy is
going to attempt to read the riot
act to his flock? I bet not. I'm
betting his words will be so
bland and so generic and so
fitting a mild, suburban
niceness as to be 'offensive'
to no one at all  -  and thereby
false and illicit too. I feel that
you can't have it both ways, and
if one is to be true to 'religious'
principles, that only stance possible
is to rail vociferously against
developers, contractors, landscapers
gold courses and the rest. (Golf
courses, by the way, are among
the most toxic greenswards you
can find, coated and stretched to
the limit with chemicals, toxins
and killer chemistries, which
then all eventually become water
run-off into our streams and rivulets.
no one ever says a word, and all
those people, I'm sure, happily sit
in church smiling).
I can remember, about 1978,
when I moved, to Metuchen
my father made a few efforts
on my behalf, through people
he knew in church, (Father
Eagan's brother lived in
Metuchen, and they all knew
one another) to get me 'work',
for some 'extra' money, doing
people's yards  -  mowing,
cutting, trimming, cleaning.
I found out, and put my foot
down. 'No way.' My father's
idea was 'get a little pick-up
truck, a couple of mowers and
trimmers, and you can make
yourself some good money.'
We'd never seen eye to eye
on this, and I had no idea
what he was thinking. I never
cut or trim a thing, never have.
It's all I could (and can) do to
mow basic grass. It seems idiotic
to me to plant and groom and
water and feed something, like
a lawn, just to continually have
to kill and massacre that growth
as it occurs, by mowing. A
complete waste of energy  -
 yours and the fuel. What's the
idea about lawns anyway? Sure
seems like some maniacal
figment of fixation on nothing,
to me. Anyway a lawn will
only grow to, like, 4 inches
or so, and then seed out anyway.
It will broadcast itself, propagate, 
add to the mix all the wildflowers 
and other (God-given) airborne 
seeds and things that land there 
or that birds drop there. Real,
Edenic natural growth. And 
what's wrong with some of that? 
What are people so freakingly 
afraid of? And why do they, at 
every turn, cut, kill, trim or 
force things to grow only as
they demand? And what's so 
religious about any of that. 
Seems like that minister guy 
had a lot of slippery-slope 
stuff  to be messing with, 
or he's gonna' flat-out lie 
and approve all this crap, 
or he's going to make 
enemies, and probably lose 
his post. A real Spencer Van 
Gulick paradox. (That's some 
preacher guy I used to know,
who tried to be everything to
In the early 70's, my father used
to come up to my Pennsylvania 
house and acreage and want to be 
cutting and trimming everything 
in sight. He used to drive me crazy,
and we often quarreled over things,
thing like his time and my place,
and how he should be using his
visiting time better and be leaving
my place alone. So it should have
come as no surprise to him that 
I'd oppose hid landscape start-up 
plans for business. You see, I'm 
pretty pure. I don't dilute much. 
I hold personal views about things, 
and stick to them  -  trimming and 
cutting and playing Joe Landscaper 
are not among them. The trouble
always comes down to money. My
father, for one, seemed to think it
was OK to equate landscape cutting
and trimming and all, with money.
Lucre; and that was all. Like for
everyone else too  -  the only 
reason all this crap exists is 
because of there's an industry
behind it selling all this junk to
the suckers who get addicted.
Trim, cut, feed, grow, trim, cut,
feed again. We've got it all for you.
They just leave out the sucker part.
The problem with sacred things, 
in turn, is how they're ignored; how
people give them lip service only.
In the hopes that, perhaps, just
'mentioning' it will get them some
credit in their idea of Heaven, or
something. Again, there are no
half measure. Landscapers are 
idiots. To begin with, and that's 
pretty much where they end up. 
In idiot hell, dying from the 
chemical toxi-pacs on their
backs while they spray your 
lawns for you. When I was in
the printing industry, I had any
number of landscape guys as
customers  -  with their bad English
skills and crap knowledge, they roll
up in their silly trucks, with their
newly-adhered company signs and
logos on the side. Talking to 
them was like talking to a robot, 
a dead-end, loser robot , if they 
make any like that. Back then 
it was all white guys with no 
future, trying to make some 
money and hold a job doing 
lawns and stuff. Now it's, of 
course, all moronic Mexicans
types, crawling over trees and 
lawns. Now they just get HIRED 
by these same white guys, who 
are still stupid, but at least now 
are behind the scenes, making
deals with developers. They're 
all a Godless bunch of twits, 
and this Minister guy is going
to try to go to bat for them.
Back then, they all had goofy 
names, like 'Lawn King', or
'Green Thumb', or 'Green Acre
Landscaping' or whatever. I do
remember one, in particular, 
really cadaverous, creepy guy 
coming in, time after time, going 
over logo details, suggesting logo
ideas, and all that, so as to 'best' 
get across his view of the sort
of 'relationship' he wanted with
his customers. he was adamant 
that he make the point  -  called 
himself and his company 'Lawn
Partners.'  And he'd say creepy 
things like 'because we're not 
just working for them and their 
lawns, we want to be partners 
with them and their lawns...''
It all just went on, It was bullshit,
all the way to the bank. The guy 
was a creep with a chemical 
license to kill. I hope that
reverend really gives them 
all a Godly piece of his mind, 
and not just more of the same, 
old moribund crap  -  by which 
we are killer our world and 
land and water. 'Gentlemen,
start your sprinklers'  -  your
thimble's-worth of Heaven today
for your eternity of Hell tomorrow.

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