Friday, October 28, 2016


Sitting back in the seminary,
with it surrounding, engulfing,
me, like a cloister, like a womb,
everything began to hit me
at once. All that old gibberish,
making little sense, just began
to annoy. To begin with, right
off the bat, there was the question
of how I should handle the fact
that 'God' got it wrong. Or
that's how I saw it. God's
threat was wrong, and the
serpent's was right: 'From
every tree you may eat but
from the tree which is in the
midst of Paradise do not eat,
for on that day you will surely
die.' But, the serpent, knowing
all  this, told Eve instead to eat
of it: 'On the day when you
eat from the tree...the eyes
of your mind will be opened.
And Eve obeyed...' And their
eyes were opened, and they
were ashamed. They did NOT
die that day. Now, the church
and all that establishment
stuff tried to cover this up,
and I got only the usual
boilerplate answers, but no
one could really reply, or tell
me, outside of their communal
'Doctrines' what it really meant,
what it said. "Well, it means 
that from that point on Mankind 
died and suffered and life was 
finite, and with great toil and 
anguish....." All that crud. 
Yeah, well, I guess. It also
meant the establishment
'church' by about the year 
300 had already become 
a statist bureaucracy of
linear means, with rank and
levels and duties and laws 
(when there was no other. 
Rome was breaking down,
nation-states had not yet
developed, and the great
void was filled by hoo-doo
priests and religious
entrepreneurs wanting
a piece of whatever action
they could make). Gold, (not
God) fills any void. I always
figured that if the 'Bible' 
was supposed to be God's 
'word' and taken as thereby, 
one could not simply go 
picking and choosing about 
what was allegorical and 
what was literal, and what 
this meant or what that 
meant. If, on page 80 in
Exodus, it says God spoke
 and burned in, 'Thou Shalt
Not Covet...etc.' and you go
on believing in all that, when
on page 19, Genesis, where it says
bad angels came down from 
'Heaven' and saw that earth-girls 
were beautiful and wanted and had
sex with them, so as to raise a
raise of giants, 'men of renown,'
you ought to be believing
that too. You can't have it both
ways and then call it Holy Writ,
and writ by God no less.
In time, I just got 
tired of it. I think part of 
the problem was the people
who were pushing all this
stuff. All the seminary
authorities were first-line
weirdos and geeks. No two
ways about it. In cassocks
and beads. There was
repression, anger, strange
symbolism, and a prodding
push for 'looking the other
way' going on at all times.
These were mostly
mid-western guys, all
Minnesota and Wisconsin
Germans, who had lived
their entire lives in this
harsh and tightly-woven
bundle of both attitude and
story-line. How  else to
present it? Lackadaisical
farm tales and romps in
the hay? This was all then
presented in a complete and
different format from what
I, and others, had ever been
used to  -  east-coast grit 
and tumble, the shadings 
of meaning and effect, 
that kind of urban groping
for cosmic meaning. They
hadn't a clue, and I soon
tired of their gibberish. 
In turn, I started snapping 
back. I was a young kid, 
here, in their employ, as 
it were, and by choice  
-  and I knew that.
But so what.
There was one big piece 
missing anyway  -  the 
key to the feminine. It 
seemed to be that the 
real world included 
feminine elements; great,
big, joyous and ever-sensitive 
gobs of it. This stupid way 
of living allowed for none
of that. Why? The Bible 
studies I did (and, oh, how
I scoured the stacks), also 
told me of two Gods, not 
one. The real, aloof, majestic 
cosmic God, who works 
from within and speaks
internally, in our ways, to 
each of us. Has nothing to 
do with this world. Which 
world's creation it opposed
anyway. That God contained,
in reserve as it were, both the 
masculine and the feminine 
in one (they're just stupid 
human terms anyway, part of
duplicitous Duality and nature)
and could, thereby, self-create 
at divine will. The lesser God, 
the Demi-urge, the scampy, 
erroneous, overly-active
one, made our world. In 
the same manner. Trial 
and error. Saw that it
was good. Or did not. 
Things fell by the wayside. 
Concepts arose  -  evil, bad,
good, perverse. negative.
It's all in the Bible, but 
suppressed. Pieces left in, 
suggested  -  two different 
creations stories. God as
a fallen angel, fallen to 
this world, Genesis 6, a 
massive parlay of really
weird information. All 
of Divinity contained 
both sexes. We were made
 'in that image' as it says.
Genesis 3:22, "Behold, 
Adam has become like
one of us, knowing evil 
and good. Let us cast 
him out of paradise, lest 
he take from the tree of 
life..." Made in the image.
'Male and female he made 
them.' People wanted to 
think that meant 'made 
Man and made Woman.'
What'if, in God's image, 
and just as it says, 'Male 
and Female He made them.' 
Like the gods themselves, 
containing both sexes? 
Talmudic rabbis have
put it thusly : "Then God 
said, "Let us make man 
(adam) in our image, after 
our the image 
of God He created him; 
male and female he created
him." Only later then, "It is 
not good for man to be 
alone." The split then to 
womanhood, as follows:
"when the Holy one...first 
created mankind, he created 
him with two faces, two 
sets of genitals, four arms 
and legs, back to back. Then
he split Adam in two, and made 
two backs, one on each side."
(Rabbi Samuel bar Nachman). 
Yeah, then so much for all 
that. I wanted no more 
of it at all.
To me all this Life stuff 
had to be, and was, more 
than conjecture. To be 
truthful, I lived my live,
even then, by revelation 
and by revealed truth 
alone. All the rest
was like a thousand 
little ants scurrying 
around some silly 
anthole   -  that they 
had made. All those little 
ant-talks and words about
how it got there and what 
it was. Without any ant 
realizing a thing  - that 
their own power had 
creatively sensitized the
idea of 'anthole' into being
and that it went on forever,
had a zillion entrances and
exits, and could be altered
and changed at will. It all
had to be done wisely and
creatively, otherwise you
were sure to be into slavery.
An 'Anthood' of your very
own. You'd even get to 
wear a cassock and beads
too. I knew all that already.
I also already sensed that
all things were wrong, all
things in error. That the
only truth was that some
Devilish evil bastard was
always at work trying to
drag you down, back into 
the pit, and seeking to use 
you for worldly purposes.
I was deep into trouble,
at age 13 already. It
couldn't be good. I sort
of sensed that, and hadn't
yet even crossed by own, big,
sexual divide. That was yet
all ahead of me. What I
did realize was that you couldn't
'reduce' the irreducible. There
came a time when each idea
couldn't be broken down
any smaller. You get to a point,
for instance: If there were two 
Gods, a entire seam of Gods, a 
God panel, any and all of that
mythological stuff that pre-dated
the entire Jew-God schema that 
we got stuck with, the Gods were
active beings, on and above Earth,
messing and toying with it, not 
just wrecking it and cursing it (like
Israel's God was shown to do, over
and over  -  fiery and irascible for
no sensible reason, as if He or It
has just sat on some great celestial
tack), they ruled a much happier
Earth. They made decisions and 
had their influences and squabbles 
in and within Mankind. To the 
creative joy of all, and the 
detriment of none. That
was a major difference. Then
you break that down, one less
God here, one less there, and 
you get dwindling down to,
well, maybe, One God. 
The 'Gospel of Truth', one
of the documents from Nag 
Hammadi, did unfortunately
get into my hands. About 1964.
That also split my brain wide 
open. I was one of those true
Agape guys, just sitting stunned.
Valentinus held this information
from Thadeus, a disciple of Paul's,
(you see, they never tell you this 
stuff, it's all been rejected and 
thrown out of the normal church
and Bible routine, buried, as it
were, for a third-day resurrection
that never came). This secret
reveals that the one whom most
Christians naively worship as
Creator, God, and Father, is,
in reality, only the image of a
true God. What is 'mistakenly'
ascribed to God actually applies
only to the 'creator,' the demiurge,
who reigns as King and Lord,
who acts as a military commander,
who gives the law and judges those 
who 'violate' it. In short, He is
the demeaning, and short, God 
of Israel. His authority and 
demands (Blake's 'Nobodaddy,' 
which, yes, all this led me into 
as well  -  remember, William 
Blake sought to be creating a 
'New Jerusalem' through his 
own work), are foolishness, and
anti-human. Why would a God
who 'made us' then be anti-human?
They must be rejected, a well as
all his false claims to power (as
represented in religion, church, and
hierarchy), ['I am God, and there
is no other'] that derive from his
own ignorance.  The source of
divine power must be recognized,
the true source of it  -  'the depth'
of all being. "Whoever has come to
know that source simultaneously
comes to know himself  and
discovers his spiritual origin: he  
has come to know his true
Father and Mother.
Whew! Was I stuck, and 
in a pretty horrible place. Thus 
began the long, long, and slow, 
back-think for me in re-entering 
the world, (my Redemption Story)
my terms, and only with a great
and careful deliberation. It did,
thankfully, come to me : "I am
perception and knowledge,
uttering a Voice by means of 
Thought. I am the real Voice. I 
cry out in everyone, and they 
know that a seed
dwells within."

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