RUDIMENTS, pt. 1,075
(is any of it worth it?)
I guess, about my life, I'd
have to say, truthfully, that
there have been lots of low
points, and lots of high points
too, but it was all that stuff in
the middle of all that which
troubled me the most. Lots
of times I'd find myself just
thinking odd thoughts about
things I'd been told. Like the
whole bit about - as example -
the Moon having two sides,
completely uninhabitable: one
being always in the cold, and
the other always in the heat.
Of course, the lack of oxygen
was the real killer, but no one
ever said that, and I just used
to figure, about the natural
world, that there had to be
some overlap, where those
two extremes met, and why
not just use that area? It wasn't
as if three inches, well-defined,
separated the two. It always
seemed like, with all their
planning and stuff, they could
just arrange to be landing in
that marginal area, where it
must be, at least, temperate?
-
Being so stark and absolute about
things, all my life teachers seemed
always to have to have it ONE
way, or the other, always teaching
big absolutes; never holding out
any premises of overlap or the
inconstancy of reality. I was always
able to somehow sense that most
of what they were peddling to me
was nothing but an agreed-upon
content of balderdash and the
assumptions by which societal
wheels were kept turning. Which
is all those sorts of people ever
wanted anyway. But, at the same
time, what sort of stupid system
ever contrived putting people
through any of that? Holding
children as hostages, for all those
years of enforced indoctrination,
and having them mostly held in
that position by what amounted to
the absolute worst class of people?
Teachers? What sort of person
goes into that sort of 'work?' Think
about tht for a moment - someone
intent on paraphrasing everything,
to others, from the straitjacket of
their own saddled and coerced
processes of thought. Trading the
absolute worst ideas and thoughts
for some palty sum of money they
were never happy with anyway?
Enforcing their own psychological
horror-edicts onto unsuspecting,
yet captive, kids, and all the while
doing it for the approval of parents
and system, which wastefully backs
the entire process with coerced money,
as tax-dollars, from citizens with no
say in any of it. Locking down the
children into realms of doubt and
disaster, and then passing judgment
on it and them. Over all, the whole
procedure reeks of totalitarianism,
ot at least a form of mentally zoned
totalitarianism designed to then
produce the most abject and useless
classes of worker-drone, know-nothing,
citizens. And leave it all go at that.
-
When I lived on 11th street, on the
opposite corner there was one of
those huge NYC schools, P.S.
whatever (they used numbers),
and each day that schoolyard, for
its recesses, was filled most often,
with hordes of screaming, crazy
kid, watched over by monitor or
teachers or whatever. The NYCity
school system was always very
off-putting to me. Besides the
imposing, city schools, the
school yards were always very
disorientating, in the urban
sense of 'alienating - stuck
right on city streets, high fences,
all that paving and concrete, the
play lots being all hard surfaces,
the nose resounding, and, most
generally, the kids never seeming
to know what to 'do' with themselves
just aimlessly screeching, throwing
balls around, running, or - at the
other tendency - balling up into
their little cliques of teens, middle
grade kid, nascent urban gang
types, and the rest. Not just at
11th street; it was like that all
through the city, from the schools
of Chelsea or the Village, and right
up to the schwantzy schools in the
environs of the upper east side: the
kids there were monied, dressed to
the better nines, and already elitist.
I remember when that Preppy Murder
Case thing happened, at Dorrian's
Red Hand (a local upper east-side
pick-up bar, a tavern in the role of
after-hours elite pick-ups). I forget
the name now, maybe Robert
Chambers, but anyway a monied
and privileged fellow who
murdered his sex-frolic pick-up
for the night during some sort of
'wink-wink' media-described antics.
He was the perfect embodiment
of any one of those richer school
kids. The entire system sucked,
but they to were induced into
their life-comas by the same sort
of indoctrinal, enforced, learning.
The future was being etched, as
I saw it, into every one of their
stupid, forlorn faces. The entire
American educational system,
even in the 1990's, was burying
itself in the farcical and the
tragi-comic; ruining lives with
bad information and concentration
camp tactics. Not worth anything.
-
That's what makes adults. Cops.
Lawyers. Moer teachers. Doctors.
Enforcers of code and bureaucracy.
Is any of it worth it? No.
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