Wednesday, February 5, 2020

12,530. RUDIMENTS, pt. 953

RUDIMENTS, pt. 953
(even at that end of the scale)
I used to often go down by
the west side piers, just to
muse at the docks and
workers. It always kept
me fascinated, to watch.
The stevedores and haulers,
by whatever job-names it
all went by, were intense.
A boy can live in entire,
suburban, life, as I had,
insular and corralled into
rows of homes and schooling,
and never realize  -  because
no one will tell him  -  the
amazing world of grit and
brawn that was outside all
of that. The Irish piers, for
instance, and pretty much the
whole of Hell's Kitchen, was
harbor for all sorts of felons,
fighters, beaters and killers.
They did day work, as best
they could, all along these
waterfront places. The crime
was rampant, but often just
kept silent. Any version of
the Italian Mafia that you
could come up with would
have easily been equaled
by the force and antics of
these waterfront Irish and
Slav guys  -  later Russians
too. The idea was not to say
a word. I remember one time
there was some violent burglary
guy looming about. He had an
apartment a few blocks over,
had found a way of cascading
himself, building to building, 
to do break-ins and such. You
really had to figure, in that
company, he'd eventually get
mixed up with stealing from
someone's mother's or aunt's
apartment, purely by chance,
and that would be the end of
it all. Kept silent as it was,
the invisible word was out
for getting the guy the first
moment he screwed up. He
had hit some big-time places,
and skillfully secreted lots of
stuff around. And then one day
he was beat to a bloody pulp.
Alive, but mashed meat. It
had happened, somehow, that
he'd robbed the wrong people,
or place. That was the end of
him. He didn't die, I don't
think anyway, but he was gone
like skin from a knee in a
playground. Somebody probably
drove him to Kansas and just
threw him out of a car, saying
'Don't come back.' It's like a
witness protection plan, but
without the protection.
-
Dave Van Ronk picked up
a small 'group' for himself,
after many years of solo work,
and by the early 1970's there
were a few albums out, maybe
two anyway, under the name
Dave Van Ronk and the Hudson
Dusters. It was a curious choice
of name, but for him it fit OK,
being sort of earned. The Hudson
Dusters had long ago been an
actual gang, in the early days
of NYC, along with the Dead
Rabbits, Bowery Boys, Eastman
Gang, and others, but much
later and with immigration
differences. Owney Madden,
The Gopher Gang, and, lastly,
the Westies. Actually, they
were all murderous thugs and
gangs of thieves, all now fully
romanticized, but to see Dave
Van Ronk, Greenwich Village
folksinger and informal 'Mayor'
of MacDougal Street, as it was
said, pick up the name was a bit
effete and funny  -  mere singers,
after all  -  and it required a
knowledgeable stretch to know
(of the imagination) to know
what was going on. I think now
it's called, and battled against,
as 'cultural appropriation.' That
too is stretching it, but I did
always think it was a bit out
of order for him to pin that
name onto what amounted to
a gaggle of men singing. I
never liked men singing
anyway.
-
My problems, believe it or
not, have always been fear and
anxiety. And that's never changed.
It's a path to ruination for sure,
in that instead of heightening
one's approach to things, it
deadens it  -  and even though
I saw an was exposed to very
many things in my time, I never
truly 'experienced' much that
I saw. The 'gift' of a writer,
if it's to be called that, is that
he or she has to stand outside
of all things in order to write
about them. Once the writer
'steps into' the story or the 
picture, it becomes, instead, 
almost a for of advocacy, a 
la Norman Mailer or Tom Wolf  
-  each of them were writers of 
the 1970's years who picked up 
good-sized, late-career, followers 
by taking up a viewpoint (and
the then-prevailing viewpoint) of
of cultural witnessing rather than
austere observing. That presence,
that advocacy, firstly, never dates
well. Fifteen years later it all reads
as ridiculous. And, secondly, it
comes across as literary vanity and 
egotism as well. Once it's done it's 
done; nothing else to do about it. 
Like unscrambling an egg, it can't
happen; so they end up on endless
talk shows and public fripperies,
just advocating their advocacy,
proclaiming their proclamations,
and singing their own songs.
-
It can't really be helped. That's just
the way the 60's and 70's went. by
the 1980's it had all churned into
just pure junk. Even the Art crowd
ran into a lot of that  -  with shows
and expositions, by varied popular
artist of the new-found day and era,
taking up causes or almost comedic
stances, and then trying to reinterpret
all of that as deep art. A Brillo box
or a Campbell's Soup can, or an f-85
jet fighter, or a hairdryer with some
big flouncy sitting under it reading
life a]magazine  -  all that is fine as
it goes, irony, snarkiness, fun  -  but
these society-crowd people got behind
the wheel and started brimming it
over as America's contribution to the
highest art of the ages. I was never
sure about that one, but the cocktail
chatter crowd loved it. Even at that
end of the scale, alas I was a failure  - 
abject, complete, and brimming over
with my own sort of self-destroying
remorse.
-
I had a sort of friend at one of the
corner restaurants don that way (Villager),
as she worked the counter, etc. I think her
name was Theresa, but she was called
Trey. I also heard Terry, once or
twice. She was nice girl, a bit nervous,
and her brother was some sort of wild
man mixed up with the Sullivan Street
Boys, or Gang. I forget. She used to tell
me some of the things shed heard and
seen, as well as family conflicts and
neighborhood crap all because of it.
Her father never sounded much better;
she said he'd started calling her Tres
because he had a bunch of kids and
she was the third. I guess it was true.
Anway, I figured, between the docks
and Sullivan Street, a person could
get a regular college education in the 
ways and means of Hell. Or was
it all just Purgatory?

Tuesday, February 4, 2020

12,529. RUDIMENTS, pt. 952

RUDIMENTS, pt. 952
(genius-based moronic babble)
Mayhem and Mata Hari have
never made a difference to me
-  just a few odd words for the
here and there. Mishap too.
It's simply the way I've
played my world all along.
I don't much know what's
behind any of the concepts
of these words, but I find
them endlessly intriguing.
It's as if, beneath all the
chatter and noise, there's
another stream of words
and thoughts always running,
things underway that we're
not so aware of. 'The Secret
Meaning of Things,' would
be a could title for if it were
to be in book form. And you
know what? That was always
more important to me than the
commands and directions of
ordinary life and language.
I've always preferred the
inner light to some bare,
naked bulb.
-
Embolism. That might have
been another one. I loved that
word, like a catch-all phrase
for followers of that crazed
African mad-king, Embo, who
hacked people's arms and legs
off and then granted permission
to ride over Victoria Falls. He
later became, after the first
black Pope, Ebon I proclaimed
him so, the patron-saint of
amusement parks.
-
A friend of mine, and myself,
once, at a place called Oliver's,
which used to be on St. George
Ave., back in our motorcycle
drinking days (we drank, the
bikes didn't) would show up
on their Comedy Nights  -  this
was about 1995, they had live
NYC talent in once a week,
B-grade, starting-out stuff.
We'd heckle and berate the
comic who, having come out
from NYC, figured he'd have
an easy time playing before
these Colonia rubes, belittling
and calling out stupid suburban
ways, etc. We always managed
to teach them a few good things
about that, and they get their
show done (to about 10 people)
and limp away, probably sorry
they ever came. One night, the
proprietor finally came up to
is and said, 'You guys, fucking
funny boys. You think you can
do this better, next Sunday's
YOUR show. He gave us the
Sunday evening slot, I forget,
6pm or something. I was game,
and so was my friend. We worked
it a little, during the week. The entire
show was going to be sort of a mad 
riff on Rodney Dangerfield stuff, and
then we realized Sunday was Easter!
Who the heck's gonna' show up
there on Easter? We were suckered.
As funny as we maybe could have
been (probably to 3 people, instead
of he raging large house of 10),
we didn't even show up and went
to the Pioneer instead, to get drunk
there. I've always hated Easter.
-
Oliver's was the place too that I
went to the night I was punched up,
and then kicked around on the ground,
at some Biker rally in Hoboken.
It was a long time ago, and was
all because of a misunderstanding
over something that occurred in State
Island, but, in the Biker World, back
then anyway, you never really
escaped your screw-ups. If it was
6 days later, or 6 months, you paid.
This was mine. My friend, at that
time, was living in this cousin's
house down along Enfield Road,
right off from the corner where
Oliver's was, so I called him and
said, knowing his cousin wouldn't
be too keen on my bloodied head
at her house, meet me at Oliver'
in twenty minutes, with a pail
of warm water and soap, etc.
He was there went I arrived.
It was no longer a comedy night
scene at all. I was bloodied up,
and he tended to me, and it all
turned out OK, and I even took
my licking and made up with
the jerks who'd done it. Screw
them and their 'Justice' too, but
whatever; one moves on, even
if with a limp. 
-
You learn these things over time.
Stuff goes into 'remission.' That's
another interesting word, but one
never liked; same as 'emission.'
Especially 'nocturnal emission,'
which is one screwed-up concept.
Nowadays anyhow, when you
commanding Lieutenant sends
you an email for your next 
deployment to Afghanistan, I
guess that an e-mission too.
See how the world's changed?
-
All that change has just about
made me useless, but the good 
thing now about old age is that 
you're allowed to be useless. No
one gives two-damns about you.
They want you out of the way.
My life's been a fucking waste of
everything, and now I'm stuck with
all this crap, piles of writing and
art and photos and ideas and the
half-charged editings and seekings
of genius-based but moronic
babble. I get nothing back, I've
got no accolades. (What the
hell sort of word is that? Sounds
like a deoderant)....
-
It all adds up though. My life's
and ugly wreck. Nothing to do.
I saw a girl, just the other day,
going the wrong way down a
one-way street. I said to her. 
'One way.' She shouted back,
'No way.' My mother refused to
breast-feed me  you know. She said
'I like us better as just friends.' This
stuff sticks with you, especially a 
sensitive, like me. I gave blood 
the other day; the family it went 
to sent me a note. 'Our dog really 
thanks you.'  One time I asked
my father how I could get my
kite in the air. He told me to go
jump off a cliff...'



Monday, February 3, 2020

12,528. PAPPICANO'S

PAPPICANO'S
My dinner plate has folded and
gone home. The lady smoking
her cigarette outside the roadside
diner said 'OK' when I ask her how
it's going. She'd asked me who I
was and what I was doing there.
I realized I had no answer, and so
said, instead, that I was on my
way to Pappicano's and that I
was the guy who delivered his
potatoes. Then I went inside and
grabbed a local paper, and said,
'Look, see right here. It says
'Eat at Pappicano's; our fine
recipes will make you drool.'

12,527. PYRO

PYRO
Pyro with the world afire now
declaims the hills on high and
the valleys below. I watch the
road around me as it wends
its way around the miles. I've
been driving for three days
straight it seems to get my
noticeably traveled sense
nowhere. More in place than
ever, I, yours, remain. Young
thing, see me out. Old man,
please show me the door.

12,526. ETRUSCAN HYDRAULICS

ETRUSCAN HYDRAULICS
The only ones edible were the
Roman ones with the world on
a string. Suspended over vaults
not vaulting a thing.

12,525. RUDIMENTS, pt. 951

RUDIMENTS, pt. 951
(old world, new flip)
I never got to drive a Messerschmit,
though I always wanted to. They
were pretty unique and to me they
represented another world of matter,
older and harsher, trying to break
through. Everything about them
spoke something I couldn't touch.
-
It was from another world, more
or less, one that came out of World
War II : ruins and internal damage
to just about everything. The
idea remained in people's heads
that they had kept the right of
mobility in spite of all else. The
Messerschmit was like a spider,
crawling over the ruins, and it
probably brought Germany
itself back from Death.
-
I never had much else to say
on that matter, until now. My
father, when I was young, had
given me, from somewhere, a
really nice, oversized wall-poster,
and he'd framed and hung it on
my wall. It was maybe 20x28
inches (a guess) and present
the entire line of Chevrolet cars
through the years, like from the
1920's right on up to whatever it
was, 1958 or '59. There wasn't
anything there that looked like
a Messerschmitt, not even in
approach or spirit. I don't think
GM had even taken that approach
to anything, and as far as I could
tell the only thing that American
cars did was get bigger and
fatter, expand and grow
hilariously into other things
than cars or transportation.
That entire point had been
lost and resigned. Taken away.
It had all, instead, become a
sunning sport merely to decorate
the highways of America.
-
There were so many 'possibles'
that this country never took. The
mind goes numb thinking about
it: Not only just the small, tiny,
three-wheel cars but so many
other things. Everything instead
came out to bloat, ooze and grow.
It was always that  sort of thinking
that seemed to take root, in all
aspects, as 'American.' Large, and
stretching boundaries  -  and maybe
in a certain way that's good, though
I'm not the one to determine that
because I think it isn't, but there's
nothing 'fine' about large. It smothers
its own subject/presence.
-
The American experience incorporated
BIG lies and suppositions, big reasons
for every little things, big twists of
truth and logic to make the world
spin. New American World, self-made
and self-created. When you drive over
the land and see all of this, what strikes
one the most is the immediate datedness
of the premise. Most of those big
mills and factories, smokestacks and
industries are now as dead as a doornail,
yet all they once were still blots the
land, in their huge deadness. So much
so that it's hard any longer to even
differentiate the good from the bad,
those categories each having lost
both luster ad relevance. I'm driving
along the slag-heap mountains above
Scranton, and all I see is the waste
from Civilization's demise. Long 
and slow, and faded away, from
an era now gone, what we see
are only evidences of the entirety
of the pasts old efforts at making
the machine' world of comfort.
-
Just as in the bowels of NYC, where 
I'd see the old 1960's versions of
power and efficiency crumbling,
the efforts that Humankind made
towards improvement had left
out the mind for the mass of people,
which mass swam along daily in
droves, intent on other things and
nearly unaware of failings. Like
an old world with a new flip, all the
occurrences kept striking out; a
new land like that had no designated
endings but which had benumbed
people anyway in order for them to
have been taken over by that
very vacuousness. It New York,
most the efforts went skyward;
in other places those same efforts
stretched out and spread as a
blight along the land. Killing
our plains and prairies, and 
making even the most peasant
countryside but a barrel of thorns.
In Ideal terms, the three-point
stance of the Messerschmitt then
represented, with its three wheels, a
perfect and miraculous embodiment
of a sort of mathematical logic
hat reinforced the rest of the world:
Triune, balanced logic  -  the three
parts of the Trinity, three wise men,
three days in the grave, three strikes
and you're out. The rest of the world,
following the push and the prod of
America, stacked itself, as usual,
on stability, steadiness and utility.
The four wheels of a world gone wrong.

Saturday, February 1, 2020

12,524. RUDMENTS, pt. 950

RUDIMENTS, pt. 950
(....rescued from a car cemetery...)
When I was 12, I thought
I could be something. When
I was 16, I thought I was
something. When I'd gotten
near 20, I knew I was
nothing at all. The only
thing that had happened
to me was that my memory
boat had gotten filled up. I
kind of always liked the
road; just driving around
not doing a God-damned
thing except seeing. Looking
out as if the world was nothing
but some ocean-floor land out
my submarine window. The
only thing ever making it
worthwhile, besides my own
writing and re-telling of it
all back to myself, was the
here-and-there crazy characters
I'd come across. Usually they
always had big mouths and
always wanted to tell; anything,
everything, whatever  -  using
the names of places around as
if I too lived there and knew
them all. I never wanted people
to start confessing to me but
someone inevitably did. Not
ever knowing what to say or
do about getting privileged
information like that, I just
acted as if it was nothing and
it had just slid right off my
back.  I little cared to know
about remorse by others for
their past miss-deeds. Robberies,
cheatings, beatings,  yes death
too. Business-people do these
sorts of things often enough,
and it's just counted as everyday
business. I've been told now,
a few times, that I have
something that just makes
people start talking around me.
I knew I should have been
a cop.
-
Sometimes it just gets mainly
claustrophobic, the feeling, at
times Like that  -  resembling
any situation, say a small store
or a coffee or ice cream shop in
any dumb small town, that you
don't wish to enter, if you you
want something they sell, because
you know they're going to engage
you, that someone in there, on
staff, will do the 'friendly' on
you. There ought to be a sign
or a doorway, for entry, which
states 'We promise, we won't
bug or bother you.'
-
The anonymity of the 'big'city,
on the other hand, usually covers
all that  -  unless you enter some
place stupid, like a 'Staples'  -
which is really a crap-suburban,
parking lot kind of store and has
no business being in NYC, looking
for whatever, and instantly one of
their bloated, marginally employable,
'security' guys swoops in on you
and, glued to the end of you aisle,
watches every move. I guess I
look like the big-three unluckies
as far as retail is concerned : a
bum, a thief, and a terrorist to boot.
-
I was reading something the other
day where the guy was musing
over what America had 'lost' by
shutting down slavery. It was a
pretty weird concept, but, based
on me experiences with 'security'
guards as the end result of 'Freedom'
for slaves, he's maybe onto something:
"There are so many elegant and
mysterious ruins throughout the
South, so much death and desolation,
[1945, this was], that I am inevitably
induced to reflect on what might
have been had this promising land
been spared the ravages of war,
for in our Southern states that
culture known as the 'slave culture'
had exhibited only its first blossom.
We know what the slave cultures of
India, Egypt, Rome and Greece
bequeathed the world. We are
grateful for the legacy; we do not
spurn the gift because it was born
of injustice. Rare is the man who,
looking upon the treasure of antiquity,
thinks at what an iniquitous price
they were fashioned...' Imagine
going through that routine with
your next over bar-stool chap!
-
One time, I was sitting with a
guy who was telling me the story
of the last time he'd been there,
at that very spot, and apparently
grievously offended a female.
Which caused a scene and led
to his temporary ejection. He
had since returned, but she'd
never been back  -  he was told.
So I guessed it did, in effect, lead
to her ejection too. Anyway, the
offense was, in sitting there and
throwing a few insipid stupid-drunk
type lines at her, perhaps pick-up
lines, perhaps not, he said, 'The
left one's always better. Fish it
out, won't you please?' The story
kept making the rounds. I heard
it two or three more times.
Veracity? Who knows....
-
This guy was pretty cool in
any case. One time he'd going
on about 'Meteor Crater,' in
California I think, somewhere.
I guess he was right. 'Meteor
Crater? Where the devil is that?'
He couldn't remember, but his
point was that  -  as a New Yorker  -
he had the god-darnedest right NOT
to know, because NYC is NOT the
natural world and New Yorkers
never need to know that stuff.
I guess that was OK, no one
ever looks Heavenward there
because you can't see anything
anyway, with all the lights and
tall buildings. BUT, then he comes
out with the coolest thing, about
when he was in Barstow or some
hot place. He said, in telling how
hot it was, the 'the street was
just a fried banana, flaming with
rum and creosote.' The guy was
gifted. And he says, 'When I got
to a place called Amboy once,
I was in a hurry, and sort of lost.
a guy said to me, 'Don't fret,
you'll get there in good time, and
whether it's today, or tomorrow,
it won't ever matter.'
-
You see, what's disconcerting
about all this is that America
no longer has place or time for
any of this sort of stuff. All the
imaginings are gone. Every
moment has to be for the count,
for the money, for the push.
For the lie  -  because that's all
it is. If a kid or an artist or an
anyone today had any sot of
talent, it's mostly going to be
squashed. The American was
is to seduce a man by bribery
and make a prostitute of him.
That goes for women to,  but it's
hard to use the 'wordiology' to
get it across for them. Lots
of times, they're even worse.
I've seen many an ax-cleaver
female executive in my day,
worse than the dedicated male.
For an artist, or creative sort,
what they do is ignore you,
starve you, or just make you
completely irrelevant. Unless
you allow them to make a
complete hack of you, you
get nothing. 'It isn't only the
oceans that cu us off from
then world. It's the American
way of looking at things. You
can ride for thousands of
miles and be utterly unaware
of the existence of the world
of art. You will learn all about
beer, condensed milk, rubber
goods, canned foods, inflatable
mattresses, etc., but you will
never see or hear anything
concerning the masterpieces
of art...By the time one makes
contact with great art, one
is already half-crazed. Most
of the young men of talent I
have met in this country give
one the impression of being
somewhat demented. They
are living amongst spiritual
gorillas, food and drink maniacs,
success-mongers, gadget
innovators, and publicity
hounds. They used to say,
'Go West, young man!' Today
we have to say: 'Shoot yourself,
young man. There is no hope
for you.' Do you want to spend
the rest of your life in a
strait-jacket?'
-
It seemed I absorbed all this,
and lots more; filling my head
with a book still being born.
(Not being stillborn). Mine. The
book opens with a nightmare.
'I have another vehicle,' the
man said, 'an abandoned auto
rescued from a car cemetery.'








12,523. LAST LANDING MOST LEGENDARY

LAST LANDING 
MOST LEGENDARY
I carried the basket the entire way.
They'd told me it was filled with
apples, but only one was gold. So
with much care I put it down.
-
I asked for a drink. The man brought
one out, saying 'Whatcha' got in the
basket?' I said 'apples.'