13. NO ONE WHO KNEW COLUMBUS

NO ONE WHO KNEW COLUMBUS

(Columbus Day, 2008)

There weren't too many people to tell him much -

certainly William Carlos Williams, nor even Walt

Whitman, weren't around. The local hum he heard

probably pretty much reinforced his ideas for King

and Queen, travel and glory - all the crazy sea-faring stuff.

Had no one mentioned to him the scale of his undertaking?

What about all that 'edge of the sea' stuff ('Bunkum!' or whatever

he'd say in his tongue) and the terrors of the deep, sea-monsters,

sirens, wedgies, funnels and shoals. And then of course all that

Savior-Jesus stuff : some sea-wizened Admiral taking tips

from a guy who walked on water? How'd that come to be?

Joseph, Mary and Jesus, a tri-color flag, three ships,

three sails each, three miles an hour on an

ordinary day, three trips back, three times a lady,

three blind mice, three times you're out -

I don't know about you, but I'd have gone bonkers

early on. The primitives were no help :

naked bawdy bastards lining the coast,

laughing in turn at all that armour and heavy clothing;

laughing at the rituals of fake royalty claiming this

or that for Her Majesty Queen Isabella!

I can hear one say now, along the shore,

in whatever tongue they spoke -

while grabbing his balls - yelling out

'Claim this ! you friggin' bastards!'

Or, anyway, it had to be something like that, no?

Otherwise, what went on? Nobody made any money,

nobody ate well, everyone stayed confused,

and none of those wild ladies would do the

dance - if you know what I mean.

So, no one who knew Columbus, I figure,

ever really said a thing.